Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Bringing Up Boys: When did you last see your father?

I don't think my husband quite gets it.
Our boys are growing up and they are growing up fast. In two weeks time Bog Boy will be starring for the second time in the school's Nativity play Whoops-a-daisy Angel. Bog Boy will be playing sole boy angel in the angel chorus made up of Year One's. He point blank refused to be a shepherd because last year he was an angel and he had AWESOME wings which he wore solidly for two weeks. At School. At Home. Everywhere. And only when he was in bed would he relinquish them. he wants to do it all again this year.
His teacher Mrs B is brilliant she just said yes the boys if they wanted could be angels and the girls could be shepherds as long as there were some of each. So my boy will be an angel at least to look at - I, of course, know otherwise.
I wish my husband could see it.
I know I told him when the Nativity play was being held but he forgot and now work  has got in the way. Unless Bog Boy is the Angel Gabriel next year my darling husband will never see his seriously manly little boy happily dress up as an angel. And I don't think he gets it.
ON Sunday, Dear Charlie had to go for a training ride on his bicycle for his big charity bike ride in June next year. he was away from 9 in the morning until 4  in the afternoon. The previous day he and Tatu ( he that helps int eh garden) had been moat clearing from 8 in the morning until 3 int eh afternoon and then we went out to a Ball at 6. The boys hardly got to see their Dad at all over he weekend. Now for most that's not so bad once in a while. The problem is Dear Cahrlie rarely gets to see them during the week because he works in London and gets back  after they have gone to bed and leaves before they wake up.
The Boy is beginning to take this hard for he turned to me after waving Dear Charlie off on his bike ride: "Will we not be seeing Daddy again until next weekend ,Mum?"
He has never once brought up the fact that he doesn't get to see his dad much so this statement knocked me sideways.
I tackled my husband on his return saying that he had to make room in his diary for his children. Work from home a couple of days a month so he could maybe catch a Hockey Match or see one of them in a play.
He did check his diary but said  between now and Christmas there wasn't a hope of him getting back at a reasonable hour nor of him being able to see the Nativity play or any matches.
They are growing up and he is missing out on things that once they are gone they are gone. perhaps he will get it before next year...

12 comments:

Rob-bear said...

Ah, yes; the tyranny of employment. Especially in far-away places like London.

No different if you work at home. The tyranny abounds, and oozes like rotting molasses into every corner and fissure.

Mud said...

I hope so too. I grew up without a father and have seen him 3 times in the last 15 years. It isn't good.

Tattie Weasle said...

Rob-Bear - it is a tyranny and it can be at home too but I work from home and I can make the time if needs be!
Mud - I think the three line whip is going to be out! And he is goingto be much more organised from now on....

Expat mum said...

My older two didn't see much of their dad when they were growing up. At the time it seemed normal but I've caught the teens saying that I pretty much raised them, and it was quite a shock to hear.
With the Little Guy, the husband has been more available, mainly because he's now the boss of his own company and can leave when he needs to. In fact, this month he has been working quite late and everyone's a little outraged, they're just not used to it.
Perhaps in the New Year he can make a few changes.

Wally B said...

Hi Tattie, I arranged a part time contract at work and telecommuted 1 day a week when Alex was born so I could spend time with him. We had so much trouble getting to be parents, I didn't want to then be absent most of his childhood.
Charlie will live to regret it later if he doesn't make an effort to be with them both

Potty Mummy said...

It's a tough one Tatty. Although, to be honest, it's just as easy when they ARE home for it not be 'quality time' but simply lolling on the sofa. This weekend, for example, the Boys watched a DVD with their dad - and then suggested they watch a second, which he agreed to. When I vetoed it (horrid Mum) and said no, that instead we could all play a couple of board games, I could see my husband roll his eyes and silently will me to shut up. But I forced the issue, we all really enjoyed ourselves (Kerplunk will do that to a person), and later on he thanked me for making it happen. Not sure what to suggest on the working away from home and always being busy though - we suffer from that too. I think it's a common situation these days.

Marcheline said...

February 14,2008. RIP, Dad.

One of my dad's favorite songs was "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin. Yet he didn't really get it, either.

"Cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little Boy Blue and the man in the moon... when you comin' home, Dad? I don't know when, but we'll get together then, son, you know we'll have a good time then..."

Tattie Weasle said...

Expat Mum - I think I will have to make the time for Charlie to be with his boys, just hope he desn't start calling me a nag!
WallyB/Legend - that's what I'm afraid of...
Potty - you are so right. as I wrote earlier I will have to make teh tiem and organise both boys and Charlie so they do get time together!
Marcheline - Dad's are special folk and we need them in our lives. Just wish they'd realise it a bit more! Very poignant words in the song...

Spencer Park said...

Is it a case of a father not getting it or, a father playing out the role of money earner that society gave him?

Tattie Weasle said...

Spencer Park - probably the latter problem is we are the sacrifice. And it is not worth it.

Nora said...

I think it's more a question of a man not setting his priorities and being selfish at the same time.

Tattie Weasle said...

Nora - he does need to reset his priorities but I don't think it is going to happen anytime soon...

Go on you know you want to...

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