Monday, 16 November 2009

The most evil dog on the planet...


...and it is sitting right next to me.
I could quite cheerfully strangle the awful toad. She is SO naughty. Nothing is sacred, I mean nothing.
Tonight in a fit of boredom she chewed my antique eiderdown and there are feathers everywhere, everywhere all over the spare room, all over the dog and all over the upstairs landing.
I should never, never have got her.
But I did.
I wuz conned. Right royally.
In case you don't know, the Evil Black Job or EBJ for short is a ten month old black whippet acquired foolishly by me after we realised that Gemma our four year old whippet really didn't like dogs and would never ever allow herself to be mated thank you very much. So having promised Bog Boy a puppy from Gemma's litter (Note to self don't count your puppies before they are born/female dog is mated), I had to find an alternative - preferably a whippet.
So I casually asked Paul, who bred Tattie, Gemma's Mum - is this getting complicated? Come on keep up it's really not that hard - if he happened to know of anyone who had or was having puppies. He equally casually said: "Funny that I just happen to have three in the garden shed." - as you do.
Ok you are a bit lost as to where Paul came from; well I had got reacquainted with Paul after spending an afternoon in his Garden during the previous Summer while his Dog was tied to my Tattie for an hour. That mating did not work and we decided we'd try Gemma and well that didn't work despite three attempts and it was at this point, when we basically felt that it was unfair to subject Gemma to the indignity again, that I asked about puppies.
Now as everyone knows puppies are adorable and whippet puppies are probably the most gorgeous of all and that was it, I was smit.
I was also privileged to be able to choose our new puppy's pedigree name and I oh so stupidly called her Nemesis. At home she's normally known as Sassy because she is but more often than not we call her EBJ. She will always be someone or something's nemesis.
Her kill count to date is: 15 loo rolls shredded and gleefully strewn round the house; four teddies causing many tears from the Boys; one toothbrush; one chilli; one sack of potatoes; four wire scrubbers; one porcelain bowl; a whistle; three DVDs; a toy Story " video; three pairs of knickers; two pairs of tights and eight socks (always one of a pair); one antique eiderdown...

She shows no shame and has no remorse. She jumps on tables and wanders down the sideboard. She is a pest and I really should hate her but I don't. I really do love her...

21 comments:

Liz (LivingwithKids) said...

Hah hah - I'm so with you. I was actually going to write a post this week, if I do I'll send you a link, because we've adopted the Naughtiest Puppy In The World. He starts puppy training on thursday and I'm really hoping for big things! x

Tattie Weasle said...

Liz (LivingwithKids)Yep you'll get big things, puppies are like that. Top tip take plenty of plastic bags and a pocket of treats - for you NOT the dog! I always liked wine gums...so did the dog!

Mud in the City said...

I WANT ONE!

Tattie Weasle said...

Mud - No they are very very bad. They look all small and vulnerable but it is a lie they are evil, wicked theives and fiercly loyal but useless guardogs, a contradiction in canine form!

Rob-bear said...

Well, EBJ sounds a lot like Sadie.

There are things on which I have given up (like "loo rolls") and just don't put in her way. She is very chewy right now -- in the process of losing her baby teeth. So far, I've lost only a couple of fingers, and a couple of good books left in the wrong place. (Yes, she shredded the cover off a hard-cover book!) And the corners of a couple of low window sills. Sigh!

But at least she knows not to "go" in the house, and she takes me for walks regularly (about which I've blogged already today).

I think she'll grow up some day. But I have that expectation of my thirtysomething children, too. Hope springs eternal. So does love -- including love of four-footed creatures of God.

Ladybird World Mother said...

Move over Mud... I want one too! x

Arosebyanyothername said...

You have just made me very cheerful - I thought Rufus Whippet was the naughtiest dog in the world, but it would seem not. His loo count is quite low - we keep the door shut, but shoes, books and chairs have all suffered.
I get him his his own cuddly toys from charity shops (50p each)which he plays with and the house is littered with them.
At 12 months he has now pretty much stopped chewing stuff but has moved on to stealing food in big way - no ones's dinner is safe.

Preseli Mags said...

I don't believe a word of it. Look at the lovely pictures. Adorable. My youngest keeps asking for a puppy (we have a grown up dog). I tell her that of course she can have a puppy - when she's a grown up with her own house. (Am I mean?)

mountainear said...

I don't believe she's wicked either. Just look at her. Butter wouldn't melt etc.

Surely he will grow out of it - one day, perhaps in 5 years time, you'll realise the house is no longer shredded.

Tattie Weasle said...

across this and I HAD to share: A Poem for New Puppy Owners
Author unknown.

Don't smell crotches, don't eat plants.

Don't steal food or underpants.

Don't eat my socks, don't grab my hair...

DON'T RIP THE STUFFING FROM THAT CHAIR!

Don't eat those peas, don't touch that bush,

Don't chew my shoes, what IS this mush?!?

Eat your cookies, drink your drink,

Outta the toilet! Outta the sink!

AWAY FROM THE LITTER BOX, IT'S FOR THE CAT!

(and must you kiss me after that?!?)

Raising a puppy is not for the lazy,

Those rugrats are funny but also quite crazy.

Don't despair through the toil and the strife,

'Cause after three years you'll get back your life!

So let's go for walkies, so you can do your "thing",

And maybe I'll get back my good diamond ring!

Tattie Weasle said...

Rob-bear - there is a lovely story I heard once. It goes something like this When God had made the earth and sky,
The flowers and the trees.
He then made all the animals,
The fish, the birds and bees.
And when at last He'd finished,
Not one was quite the same.
He said, "I'll walk this world of mine,
And give each one a name."
And so He traveled far and wide
And everywhere He went,
A little creature followed Him
Until its strength was spent.
When all were named upon the earth
And in the sky and sea,
The little creature said, "Dear Lord,
There's not one left for me."
Kindly the Father said to him,
"I've left you to the end.
've turned my own name back to front
And called you dog, my friend."

I've always thought there was a special place with God for dogs!

Tattie Weasle said...

Ladybird World Mother - honestly no you don't. She's been at my knickers again and although I do buy sexy underwear from time to time I draw the line at crotchless! I have to say it I REALLY DO Love her and if I say it over and over I am sure it will be true!
Arosebyanyothername - They arwe SHOCKING theives I know but Rufus looks so adorable I really don't want to believe he's naughty at all. I think therein liess the problem - hey just look SO innocent!
Preseli Mags - no I don't think you are mean. Just as long as you don't mind her having heaps of dogs like me when she is grown up! My Mum despairs of me...
Mountainear - I know she's not relaly wicked just a baby still and like all babies it won't be long until she's all grown up!

Expat mum said...

Apparently, if you'd gone for the bigger version (greyhound) they are much more couch potato-like and not half as naughty. But EBJ is very cute, and looks very sorry!

Rob-bear said...

Those two bits of poetry for dogs are wonderful! Could I put them on my blog, please?

lampworkbeader said...

Oh dear, naughty girl and an excellent reminder as to why I don't need a dog, even though I'd like one. sigh!

Tattie Weasle said...

Expat Mum - I love all sight hounds but I just don't think three of the larger version would fit on my bed!
Rob-bear - With the greatest of pleasure. They are wonderful poems! Both are anonymous.
Lampworkbeader - there's always so many reasons not to have a dog or indeed many things but I could never be without my pack however naughty they are!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Utterly gorgeous! She'll grow out of it eventually! Your post made me laugh at the list of things she has shredded. The wee bugger!

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

She's got character.

I've had a few dogs with character too (she says picking up the garbage that one of them has bought into the house from the communal bins down the road, and the other has taken a load of socks and strewn them around the garden).

Tattie Weasle said...

MOB - it's only beause I know she'll grow out of it that I am so patient with hr - that and the fact that she is really really cute...
Brit in Bosni - Oh that's what's it called: character! She has that in spades. Do hope you manage to collect all your socks in - it did make me laugh as I haver to do the same. Do you think they may be related?

Exmoorjane said...

OMG, but gorgeous, just gorgeous. didn't realise they came in jet black colour scheme. Want, want, want.
did I tell you have narrowed choice of 'calming influence on Asbo' to whippet or lurcher or some kind of cross thereof (saw gorgeously stunning lab/lurch cross the other day). Yup, naughty as heck, but scrumptious.

Tattie Weasle said...

Jane - they come in all sorts of colours but not Cath Kidson yet... now as for 'calming influence' you know that the JRT & Whippet/lurcher combo is a match made in heaven? Theirs NOT ours!

Go on you know you want to...

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin