Friday, 27 November 2009

One almighty strop....


 
I love my boys very much and like most parents I would do anything for them but sometimes there is nothing I can do; they just have to work it out for themselves.
Downstairs now, Bog Boy is lying on the floor in one almighty strop punishing me for some transgression I have yet to work out that I did or said or in his case not did or not said – I don’t know which.
Being a parent can be very confusing…nay exhausting, emotionally as well as physically. And it feels like I blunder about it in all the wrong ways.
I mean where do you stand on discipline? How far do you take a threat? What about treats? And do you think you can ever praise enough? Can you priase too much or does it devalue your intent? The same goes for punishment - if you do it too much does it just become tsoemthing that Mum does?
And why oh why is it always me?
I shall potter downstairs now and give Bog Boy a cuddle and our tiff will be forgotten and forgiven just like that - would that the nagging doubts could be cleared aways so easily...



6 comments:

elizabethm said...

Hmm, big questions here Tattie. My thoughts for what they're worth are: yes it is possible to praise and punish too much - praise for things which don't deserve it devalues it and children know really. Works pretty much the same way with punishment. They don't like it but somehow if you sling it out all the time they stop really feeling it. Being calm, being loving, treating them as if they are good and following through if you say no all worked for me, eventually!

Expat mum said...

I definitely think you should be able to carry out whatever you threaten, otherwise they know you don't really mean it and they start walking all over you. EG. threatening to ground older kids for ridiculous amounts of time is more of a punishment for you and also, not usually very pratical. They know you can't follow through with it.
I have recently started telling my teens that if they won't do what I want them to do they'll hear a big "no" from me the next time they need a favour. It works quite well.

Josie @Sleep is for the Weak said...

Hello Ms Weasle.

Been lurking for a while but thought I would say hello.

Can sympathise here as we're just moving into apocalyptic tantrum territory (at 16 months! help!!)

I'm still trying to figure out all the answers to your questions too...

It's tough and I think it's going to be a long time till I figure it out. Hope you made friends again x

Pondside said...

Oh Tattie, you are in the trenches of child rearing, aren't you!?
I have to say that Elizabethm has said it all for me. I'll just add 'trust yourself' and 'be kind to yourself'

rachel said...

I'm definitely in the same camp as elizabethm, and found, in those long-ago days, that it worked well. I cringe when I hear children being constantly over-praised. But occasionally, just occasionally, the determination and persistence of a very small boy could push me into less-reasonable responses - parents aren't perfect either!

With hindsight, I think that toddler tantrums were just a way of preparing parents for teenagers...

Tattie Weasle said...

elizabethm - it's getting the balance that's seems to be so tricky and not breaking your word.
Expatmum - oooh the threats like you'll be walking home if you keep being naughty when you are driving. Of course you won't abandon them on the side of the road. However, it is so tempting sometimes!
Josie@sleep-is-for-the-weak - Hellooo! We did make friedns again thank you and had huge huggues which made me feel better at least. I always try to allow huggies whenever it's a way of saying sorry without losing face. It's usually followed up by a muttered sorry in my ear anyway.
Pondside - it does feel like the trenches with it never letting up but I think it is more about laerning to trust myself for I am aware that praising too much is not a good thing in teh same way too much discipline is not OK. As I said gettign the balance is the art form of parenting!
Rachel - at least I now know what all this angst is for a prelude to teenagerhood thanks!!!! :)

Go on you know you want to...

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin