Feelgood Monday - What better way to start the week!

These got me laughing on this grey, cold Monday!

• "I am very detail-oreinted."
• "I have a bachelorette degree in computers."
• "Graduated in the top 66% of my class."
• "I worked as a Corporate Lesion."
• "Served as assistant sore manager."
• "Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."
• "Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."
• "Special skills: Thyping."
• "Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes."
• "I can play well with others."
• "I have exhaustive experience in manufacturing."
• "Special skills: I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings."
• "My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had."
• "I eat computers for lunch."
• "Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."
• "Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."
• "Previous experience: Self-employed -- a fiasco."
• "I am the king of accounts payable reconciliation."
• "Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle."
• "I like slipping and sliding around behind the counter and controlling the temperature of the food."
• "Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."
• "Reason for leaving last job: Bounty hunting was outlawed in my state."
• "I love dancing and throwing parties."
• "I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute."
• "I am a rabid typist."
• "Special Skills: Speak English
• "Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984."
• "Experience with: LBM-compatible computers."
• "Fortunately because of stress, worked in the cardiac intensive-care ward."
• "Typing Speed: 756 wpm."
• "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."
• "Personal Qualities: Outstanding worker; flexible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year."
• "My experience in horticulture is well-rooted."
• "Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!
• "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business
• "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."
• "Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math."
• "Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law."