Tuesday 31 December 2013

Pants to 2013 - or is it?

Sitting here freezing cold because HE is on an economy drive (I forgot to fill up the oil tank before Christmas) and all I can think is it’s been a PANTS 2013.
Blogging wise I may as well have  got a monkey to do it for all the sense I have made or actually not done anything at all – it’s not been a stellar undertaking.
I had such high hopes!
It was meant to be my year and… actually it wasn’t. Things just sort of got on top of me and then I decided to do something about it and then things REALLY got on top of me and yet there is a chink of light at the end of the tunnel as long as I keep digging, as long as I keep on going - perhaps 2014 could be better.
It’s not as if 2013 was ALL bad. It was just a bit like a curates egg; bad in parts which tends to make the whole thing rather off putting.
Bad in parts: well I had several visitations from the Black Dog cumulating with a massive appearance over Christmas coupled with mountains of work, too little time and a 10 year old boy with teenage attitude problems.
Hey – what can I say
All of that was over shadowed by the fact that HIS  company came up for sale at the beginning of the year and it was rather touch and go for the rest of it as to whether he would A) keep his job; B) like his new bosses; C) stay in  his job…
We are still out on C but at least he HAS a job and so do I – for the moment and that cannot be a bad thing.
But with all the uncertainty comes stress; a low lying thrumming stress and that has lead too many Black Dog visitations and hence my belief that 2013 was PANTS.
So as an exercise I will catalogue the good and bthe bad and if I am right then 2013 WAS pants and if I am wrong…well I’ll get my arse into gear and prove 2014 is  going to be even better…

Sassy Whippet aka wickedest whippet gets pregnant on purpose - good
Hubbie’s work up for sale. Will he still have a job at the end of all this?– bad
Boy passes LAMDA exam – good
I take back the reins and go horse riding after 20 years – good
Hubbie celebrates one year of weekly commuting: I miss him – bad
Boy gives up piano: no battles as I try forcing him to practice - good
Bog Boy (youngest)  takes up piano: now have to FORCE him to practice - bad

Got invited out for Valentines night – good
Drowned car – bad
Missed Valentines night  out – bad
Got new car – good
Used up all holiday money to buy new car – bad

Had puppies – good
Good mate had massive heartattack – bad

But survived – good

Boy off epilepsy drugs – good
Sold puppies - good
But fell in love with one puppy and still had to sell it - bad

Mums 70th she is still alive and kicking! - good
I get amazing article to do – good
Having written article get amazing opportunity – good

Boy wins school prize - good
College mate dies of cursed cancer – bad

Had staycation – surprisingly good!
Article published and everyone thinks it’s – good!

Boy takes up trombone: WHAT more practice battles!!!!– bad
Bog Boy takes up recorder – bugger…
Boy gets girlfriend – good
Boy gets dumped – bad
Mate tries to kill themself – very bad

Keep getting work opportunities – good
Had amazing birthday party – good!
Boy gets girlfriend back – good
Boy gets dumped again – bad
Boy gets cool haircut – good
Boy gets girlfriend back again - good

Have amazing trip for work – good
Meet extraordinary people – good

Best friend gets annoyed with Boys flicky fringe and cuts it while I am away – bad
Get back from trip too close to Christmas – bad
Boy gets dumped by girlfriend yet again as not cool with dodgy fringe - bad
Boy pisses off mother on virtually daily basis with severe teenage attitude problems - bad
Fail to write Christmas cards – bad
Major major major crisis of confidence (I can’t do all this! I am going to fail!!) – bad
Manage to meet work deadlines so far – good
Plucking up courage to write all about trip – good
Feeling fragile but hopeful – bad and good

Good: 27  Bad:  20

Roll on 2014….

Wednesday 11 December 2013

Anxiety, in-laws and too much chocolate...

Do you have those days when it just does not kick start? It fails to ignite and try as you might basically it should be skipped.
Today was one of those days.
I should have just skipped it.
I am getting increasingly  anxious about an imminent visit from my in-laws, which is in fact more than six weeks away, but I am not really looking forward to it.
Suffice to say like a lot of people I find my in-laws are problem. Not that they are bad people or anything; they are not - it's just we don't get on. I rub them up the wrong way and they do the same to me.
I feel not quite good enough and approaching 50 and after 15 years marriage I really should be far more gown up about it. But you can take away the childhood but you may never take away the child and I am that child.
Nervous, anxious and then just badly behaved because I don't want to be nervous or anxious.
I have managed to avoid my in-laws for the past couple of years and personally I think this is a good thing for all of us. I am happy not to see them and truth be known I very much doubt they are anxious to see me. But there comes a point when we must all meet and at least pretend to get along for appearances sake.
So that my children can be free to love them as grandparents and my husband not find himself in a bind  pulled between his love and desire to protect me and his love and desire to be with his family.
Possibly my failure to see my in-laws  has given rise to comment, and this of course must be rectified. I cannot believe they are in any hurry to see me at all. But I think they feel that they ought to be more involved with their sons and grandsons and I am obviously the problem.
So in an effort NOT to be the problem I am hosting a Birthday weekend for my mother in law. I fear it is going to be disastrous and just another excuse for them to say how awful I am and I probably won't let them down - behaving as usual  in a manner  unbefitting.
I have never ever been rude to them bar the once when I told my MIL to foxtrot oscar - though I did have post natal expression at the time. And in general I am very accommodating allowing them to bring their dogs, invite their friends over etc etc but after such a long time away from their company I fear they are now bogeymen so my chocolate intake is increasing as I try to stay calm and days like this drift by  without me getting much done…
Wish I could wave a magic wand and be the perfect daughter in law

Go on you know you want to...


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