I have too much. Too much stuff. Too much of everything and I just can’t keep up. I could of course give it all away but let’s be realistic here that is very unlikely to happen because a) my husband would have a fit, b) my kids would have a fit, and c) not all of it is my stuff in the first place - it is theirs.
Problem is I am the one who has to sort all the stuff out whether it be mine or theirs. I have to find homes for it all then I have to ensure it is kept clean and mended; I have to put it away and not lose it. If it does get lost I have to know exactly where I put it even though I may not actually be the one who put it anywhere. Case in point: the backdoor key which was “lost” for two days. It turned up in my husband’s pocket but not before I was blamed and told that I am just too disorganised and am forever putting stuff back in the wrong place.
It’s not as if anything has a right place anyway…
I will hold my hand up and admit that I am not a naturally tidy person. But I don’t think it should be my sole responsibility to know where everything is and be able to keep it that way. The rest of the household should bear some responsibility.
My husband nods emphatically in agreement but I know that in the middle of my rant to him his nods are merely placatory because he actually wants to go and have his morning constitutional in the smallest room with only the newspaper for company.
I get a lot of nods.
But in the end they leave it to me and I feel like I am drowning.
I frequently burst into tears – when they are not here – sobbing that I cannot cope but somehow I do. Maybe it is the fantasies I have that get me through. The ones I have of burning the whole damn lot. Seeing my home go up in smoke and do you know what I smile at the thought. I imagine the relief I will feel when there is nothing to find, nothing to lose. Starting over and boy how it would be different…but in reality if it did happen I bet within a few months I would be right back where I started with far too much!
10 comments:
Hubby has distinct packrat tendencies as well, hoarding all sorts of crud on the basis that 'it might come in handy'. Drives me nuts.
He also picks things up, puts them down, forgets where he's put them and then blames me for moving/hiding them. I choose from two responses on these occasions:
1: Leave it lying around and I'll tidy it up and put it somewhere. I won't always make a huge effort to remember where I put it because if it was that sodding important you wouldn't have left it wedged down the side of the sofa in the first place, would you?
or
2: Haven't seen it, haven't moved it, not going to help you look for it until you ask nicely...
(accompanied by what he calls my 'old fashioned' look)
He needs to stay on my good side though - apart from anything else, if he forgets where he left his glasses he can't see well enough to find them!
A few seconds ago hubby said "Have you seen my calculator?" I replies that IF I HAD moved it, it would be in the box with his tools in the lounge.....SECONDS later he returned with calculator....YEP! In box! Last night same hubby "Where's the corkscrew - you will have moved it somewhere?" I gets up, searches furiously - corkscrew next to him, under the table!!!!!!!
Abi - like response no2 will have to perfect old fashioned look though!
Mrs Nesbitt - oh thank heavens it doesn't just hap pent o me, it's obviously a man thing!
Here's what, miss. If it isn't yours, let EBJ look after it. If the others in the household are not happy with the care and attention Sassy Whippet gives to their things, tell them to look after their own.
I know that's mean, but I'm sure the Wickedest Whippet would be up for it. In fact, probably right happy to oblige!
Hello Tattie.!
I can so relate to your post, I have sooo much stuff here at the cottage and in the barns outside and hardly any of it is mine. Grown up children have things here from uni days too.
On the things that go missing, my husband often says.....where have I put what he is looking for, I say I have not put it anywhere. Only recently he could not find an important document addressed to him and that it was my fault he could not find it, turns out that he filed it away among other papers in the cupboard upstairs, did I get an apology..... NO.!!
Yup. Me too. Howling with furious rage that I have to clean and tidy and put away and just MOVE things about, in order for them simply to be in the place where they are supposed to be in the first place. MADDENING. This morning I just sat and wept as couldn't BELIEVE that yet again house was in disarray and it was up to me to make it Not So. Utterly fed up, I was. Got over it now, and have had to apologise to two of my children, as I was so hideous to them... they were unbelievably nice back to me, which made me feel far worse! Oh, dear. As much as your post is clearly heartfelt, am very glad you wrote it as it made me feel a whole lot better. Hooray for blogging.... xxxx
Have you tried the fly lady system? It helps me and my clutter, I always find that physical mess gives me metal clutter too.
In answer to your response to Mrs Nesbitt, "yes it is a man thing!"
Hope you are okay Tattie. It sounds like you need to say, "sod it!" for a while and take a little time for you.
I know it's awful of me to reference "reality television" in response to a post like this, but I have seen some real differences made in the lives of folks who keep too much stuff on one of those shows.
It might help you if you got a good friend to come over one day while the kids are at school, and just take one room at a time. Get rid of stuff. Take it out of there. Donate it to a local charity if it's worth something, or sell it, or bin it. Just get it out.
It would be like soul sweeping, and would leave you feeling less pressed down by having to find/organize/control all of that "stuff".
Something to think about, anyway.
It can be really distressing, just an endless task that no one else performs. I got rid of the husband rather than burning the house down!!! Not that that's an option for everyone!!
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