Well that’s it I am going home to Mother!

Well that’s it I am going home to Mother!

With a slam of the door and a flick of my hair I get in the car and am off. The only problem I have with this scenario which I know is played out across the nation, nay the world is, I actually haven’t had an argument with my husband and so there is no need for me to go home to Mother.

But I am sick and tired of being ill so that is my excuse, a poor one I know but an excuse anyway. Unfortunately I do not think this excuse will warrant much affection for my aforementioned mother. In fact I think she’ll look upon the whole interlude with dread, like any mother who has got used to the freedom of NOT being a mother and all that that entails.

But Mother Dear it is now far too late for any excuses yours, mine or the dog’s, for I am on my way and will see you later.

Oh the joy you must be feeling knowing your erstwhile eldest is on her way. The excitement that you will be in charge again, having to administer to every need and whim, mopping the fevered brow while entertaining two grandsons and trying hard to keep them quiet so that your eldest can rest.

Having to organise food to tempt jaded palettes, wash up and dry up and make the beds. Having to settle arguments, dole out comfort and all the time being on your best behaviour.

Not for you the time to lounge about in bed or to wander your home clad in just your nightie till elevenses should you so wish. No you will have been invaded and the emotional locusts will leave you only when you are parched dry…such joy having the family to stay.

But Mommy Dearest it won’t be for long, as I am sure you will encourage us to fly the nest again by turning the heating down, producing only the most revolting food which you know we do not like, ensuring that there is little else for us to do and making sure Grandpa hogs the TV. Not for nothing have you been through all this before….