Wednesday, 22 December 2010

God rest ye merry mothers who...

God rest ye merry, mothers who,
Have lists of lists of lists
For you will find you cannot win
And there’ll be loads you’ve missed
So ditch your aprons and relax
Kick back and let’s get pissed:
O Christmas comes but once a year,
Once a year,
O Christmas comes but once a year.

From Aunty Glad to Cousin Fred
The Christmas cards have flown
It is a task that Mother hates
And one that makes her moan
And then she gets another one
From someone quite unkown…
O Christmas comes but once a year,
Once a year,
O Christmas comes but once a year.

The children now are all a bed
And Mother must be quiet
Stuffing presents in the stockings
Reminds her she must diet
For on Christmas morn Santa did come
And there will be a riot
O Christmas comes but once a year,
Once a year,
O Christmas comes but once a year.

In Kitchens now around the world:
The blessèd turkey roasts,
And mother’s been up since dawn
She’s looking like a ghost
And all because she wants it right
And so that she can boast…
O Christmas comes but once a year,
Once a year,
O Christmas comes but once a year.

The foods been ate and presents given
It’s time for the Queen’s Speech
But Mother's in the kitchen still
Her arms deep in the bleach
For someone has to clear up
“And it’s always me!” she’ll screech
O Christmas comes but once a year,
Once a year,
O Christmas comes but once a year.

So God rest ye merry, mothers who,
Have lists of lists of lists
For you will find you cannot win
And there’ll be loads you’ve missed
So ditch your aprons and relax
Kick back and let’s get pissed:
O Christmas comes but once a year,
Once a year,
O Christmas comes but once a year.



8 comments:

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

OH BRAVO!! That's fantastic Tattie. Victoria Wood should watch out xx

Exmoorjane said...

Cracking!! Though, have to say, not much of that going on here! I've given up on Christmas this year - it will be what it will be (half-baked, half-arsed, FULL of dust)... jxxxxxxx

PS - those ila products are FAB! Treat yourself!

Posie said...

Fabulous, I was singing along to that one. Love Jane's attitude, luckily here the happy farmer tends to take over....

Lou said...

Brilliant - were you ever a member of Facinating Aida???? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyLbkMrSeRs


Plastic plates and cutlery anyone?????

mollygolver said...

Yay - Have yourself a good one Tattie xx

Nickie @ Typecast said...

Absolutely BRILLIANT!! I loved this :-D

Rob-bear said...

Oh my! Oh, dear!

Hilarious, but also a bit painful, I think. (Not being a mother, I'm not entirely sure.)

HER ON THE HILL said...

Wonderful Tattie - and funnily enough I had written a little ditty (considerably more basic than your lovely one!) to go with my Christmas cards this year. I have just put it up over at mine.
Cheers, my dear, and try and make the best of it - I am absolutely with you all the way!!!
xxx

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