Sitemeter - you're fired!

That's what I love about this disposable society we live in a few clicks and that's it chucked into the virtual wastebasket never to be retreived again.
I feel empowered as I sit here tapping away inexpertly on the keyboard. I can say: "Sitemeter - you're fired!" and aprt from the little message querying me to ask if I really am sure I want to get rid of it, that's it.
My decision to chuck away what has become a daily, nay hourly ritual, on my computer follows two days of no action whatsoever on Sitemeter, no new stats, nothing- who new how simple it would be to give it all  up? I thought I was an addict.
You see I have tried before to get rid of it but failed miserably. For while it worked it was impossible to forgo. I felt guilty about my constant checking, and stupid when I became upset that I had had no visitors to my blog for more than two hours on anyone day. Sitemeter fed my vanity.
But now it is gone.
Now I have a curious sense of loss and I am not quite sure what to do with all that time I now find on my hands. My fingers hover over the mouse but there is nothing to click.
But...
But there again there is always the Blogger Stats..just to keep me entertained of course!

My blogging life so far...

215,545 words give or take a few thousand.

Started on 7 March 2007

Comments I’ve made just shy of a further 200,000 words in that time.

My blogging life so far

But now I have run out of steam.

Come to an impasse so to speak.

Where do I go from here?

Total revamp?

Glitzy! New! Dynamic!

What to do?

Can I sustain a complete volte face?

A turn around?

I know myself too well. I am not brave.

Perhaps a break.

Or not…as the case maybe.

If I take a break will I ever start again?

Should I care?

Does it really matter?

It’s a blog not a opus magnus for fecks’sake?!!!???

So why do I care?

Because…

Because of all the words, all the time

Because just because I am not into it now doesn’t mean that I will not be in a few weeks or days’ time.

There should be no pressure about it.

I blog and That’s it.

I blog because I want to not because I feel I should.

I comment because I want to not because I am obliged to.

I have written so many words in anger, joy, pain and on reflection. Sometimes brilliantly, at least I think so, sometimes in a hurry. Passing thoughts, a turn of phrase and oh the words I have meant to write, the ones I planned to but couldn’t quite manage; the slippery impressions, ghosts of the things I could have written gone in a blink of an eye.

Notes on my life.

How I feel.

Snap shots.

My life. Their life

My blog.

Do You Ever Feel Guilty About (not) Blogging?

I hold my hands up. I am guilty. Guilty of not blogging but there again when I do do it, I feel guilty about blogging. It seems as though I were caught between a rock and a hard place.
Blogging should be fun.
How did it get that I feel guilty for not blogging? That I feel bad for not checking in and reading everyone's posts, for not commenting and twittering? Why do I feel a sense of obligation?
I love reading people's blogs and I enjoy writing comments and I think that I can make a differnce if only a little bit to each person's day through an acknowlegement however short. I know I like people to comment and I treasure each and everyone. Is it that then? The fact that I have been remiss and not been active showing people that I appreciate it when they visit?
I've been rude and I know it and thus I feel guilty.
What excuse shall I drum up? Should I make excuses at all?
I've had a difficult time chickens to the vet, whole flock to be medicated serious thoughts on whether to carry on with them; boys to clubs and partries and school and matches - it feels as if there are no more weekends. I have entered my taxi years.
And then I've been ill with a flu-like virus. High temperature headaches, aching joints, feeling like death and slightly, ever so slightly out of my mind. Only good thing to come out of it is a loss of appetite and  a drop of a kilo in weight (one must look on the bright side of things).
So I make excuses.
I ask to be forgiven.
I know everyone will be generous. It's why I love the blogospehere.
Wish I could be as generous with myself, for I still feel guilty for not blogging. I hope to be back on form soon, to do better, to get out there and perhaps you never know enjoy myself again without the guilt pecking away too much....!