Bringing up Boys: ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH

Sometimes that is the only way to deal with the boys.
SHOUT
SCREAM
And Holler a bit.
It is quite exhausting but effective....eventually.
I have a loud voice, thank heavens, otherwise I would have been totally rolled over (metaphorically speaking) and completely out of control.
As it is I am only mildly out of control but those looking on may beg to differ.
If I had had a quiet and unassuming way about me then I fear things could have been a lot worse. I would be one of those mothers who ineffectually asks her son to stop being so rough with Little Johnny as he may not like being  put head first down in the toilet and to not pull the pretty picture off the wall in the Sainsbury wing of the National Portrait Gallery as other people may want to look at it too.
No, with my boys I have found there is only one way to get through to them...
Say NO to any request and shout when they fail to obey an order immediately; in fact shout the order first just so they know that what you are saying is important.
I would love to just be able to request they do something but I have found that they just ignore me especially when they think they have something better to do.
So I gird my loins in the morning to get them up, we start off pleasantly enough. Good mornings are said and curtains are drawn and I'll add a chirpy little comment about the day ahead.
But by the time I have tripped over the plethora of toys and dirty clothes strewn across the floor and trodden on the ubiquitous bit of Lego in my bare feet to reach the effing curtains I am in top notch scream mode - it gets them out of bed quick enough.
Getting them brushing teeth and going to the loo, washing their faces etc is like wading through treacle it takes so long. I goad and plead and threaten and hassle before stomping off downstairs threatening them with dire consequences if they don't get down here in five minutes.
About twenty minutes later they are just about ready to have breakfast and I am boiling like a kettle. Food is thrust at them and any pretence of requesting and asking nicely has been banished for the duration.
I do try, honest I do! I keep saying to myself I need to be nice adn calm and motherly, but whenever I am, I just feel I am being taken advantage of.
I love them to bits but there is only one way to deal with them - shout like Sergeant Major and order not ask.
It hasn't done them any harm as far as I can see. And as I type this out they are waiting for me in their bedrooms to say goodnight, they are trying very hard not to giggle but failing...dismally..
PS. When I want them to feel real fear I, of course, just whisper...

What they asked Santa for Christmas...and what they asked me!

Got caught on the hop the other day while doing a spot of Christms shopping at Snape Maltings. There was Santa. Bog Boy, my youngest spotted him and starting yelping in excitment. There was nothing for it but to join the queue to say hello.
Both boys went up. I was quite sure they would both be demanding all sorts that I couldn't possibly give let alone afford. And they were bound to rattle off a whole list of things thaty I am sure they are not meant to even know about let alone want for Christmas, wierd action agames for their Wii, horrid plastic toys that I loathe and well basically show me up for the dreadful mother I am. I waited in trepidation.
"Now young man," says Santa, "have you been a good boy?"
"Yes Santa," nods the youngest sagely.
"And what would you like then for Christmas?"
"An Anbarrow and some lego..."
"Is that it?"
"Yes, Santa"
"Well if you are good until Christmas I will see what I can do..."
Then it was my eldests turn...surley now I will get the massive great list. DS3, X-Box you know the works...
"What would you like?"
"Just a Happy Christmas, please Santa"
Sometimes they catch you on the hop and bring a lump to your throat. I was so proud of them. They are both quite wonderful that was until I got into the car...
"Mum?"
"Yes, Darlings...."
"Can you get us a Playsation for Christmas....?"