BritMumsLive 2012 - I did but dream......

Methinks I did but dream it.
But there is evidence to the contrary still strewn around my boudoir, waiting to be put away, sorted, dealt with, filed.
As I get back to the nitty gritty of daily life I catch myself smiling as little bits of the weekend flash past in the blink of an eye. Narrow and fat, hair, key and fill I am itching to get my camera out, looking to see if I can make it work. And my mind begins to wander instead of concentratingopn the matter at hand.
I imagine beautiful still lives a la the Dutch masters on great canvasses swamping my kitchen walls, being repinned on pintrest, admired and sought after. I could do it!
Then of course I'll hit upon a great blog theme, self host it and it will be brilliantly designed by my fair self. It will be promoted on Google Plus and Facebook, my twitter followers will be legion. I could do it!
I will become a guru and be invited to talk at BritMumsLive 2013. Oh how modest I'll be...oh complete bollocks....
Reality Check!
I've got laundry to do oodles of it because I've been away and no one else thought to even start the machine let alone get the dirty laundry downstairs. The house needs a great big fug out, a bit of spit and polish to bring it up to standard. It didn't get done while I was away and now I am back it becomes terribly noticeable. The weeds in my garden are actually threatening to start encroaching inside so bold they are and there is only one thing for it, I'll have to get out there and get a grip. The end of term is fast approaching and the boys have cricket matches, concerts and sports days all of which demand my undivided attention; that and trying to round up all their lost school uniform before the school is shut for the summer. Oh yes the summer, holidays and me in charge not just seven days a week but 24 hours a day as well as...
Is it no wonder that I think perchance I dreamt it all?

Bringing up Boys: It was only a dream!

“I’m not telling! Arrrrgggghhhhhh!”

I sprang out of bed and was down the stairs to The Boy’s room before I even knew I was awake.

Flinging the door open and flicking on the light half expecting to see a stranger in the room, I bellowed out to The Boy.

He was sitting up in bed: “Mummy I had a bad dream!”

Too right my son I thought you could have woken everyone in the village with that yell! “Are you alright love? Do you need to go to the loo?” I say. Those commonplace phrases one uses when words would otherwise fail you, in your relief that nothing is exactly wrong.

He gets up and pads to the loo where he is met by his Dad and as I go to join them after checking that the room is clear of bogey men and other night time terrors, I hear all about the dream.

“Mummy was murdering the dogs!”

I stop on the landing. And wait…what other awful things am I supposed to have done I wonder? I am shocked. I don’t want to be the baddie in my sons’ dreams.

I step forward into the bathroom and The Boy realises I have overheard by the look on my face.

“It’s alright Mummy,” he says, reaching out to hold my hand. “It was only a dream!”

What if: Dreams one has when one should really be thinking like a grown up...

Late last night on my way home from visiting my newborn Nephew I thought about life as you do on a three and a half hour journey. You know, the ones you do on your own with no one to talk to but yourself. The music is thumping out Robbie Williams and you are sucked into a world of "What if..."
What if you were young again? The music disrupts your thinking and your mind becomes confused. One minute you're a forty something mother and wife, the next your are a mere slip of a thing at 23 and it is as if the last twenty years were but a dream...
The snow is falling and there are few, if any, vehicles on the highway. It's as if you are stuck between worlds and all you have to do is make a choice. This one or the one that could have been.
I think I must have been very tired and probably not fit to drive but I thought of so many missed opportunities not with exactly regret but with a wistfulness that should not have been there, not now anyway.
I allowed myself to dream, I allowed myself to meander impossibilities that never were and never will be. I crushed the thoughts from my mind. Or at least I tried. But my traitorous indisipline triumphed again. And, I being tired, thought: Why not? It is only dreaming after all, it's not as if it could ever come true.
So  I allowed myself to indulge and the dream was so perfect, so wonderful. I almost, almost could taste it. The yearning, the longing for it to be real without any hurt to anyone temporaily usurped my sense of reality. In fact for a time after my journey ended I was angry that it should not be so. But I slept on it and the mundane humdrum pattern of my daily life quickly gained the upper hand.
It should have faded.
But then a few words turned my life into a sopa opera, at least in my head, and I will never be able to tell anyone.
Anyway what interest are the daydreams of a forty year old anyway...
Do I really want to make a complete tit of myself and destroy everything? Embarrass everyone especially those I hold most dear?
No of course not.
I am the mother of sons. I have four dogs and two cats. Too many chickens to count. And of course I have a loving, though somewhat exasperating, husband.

Things I dream about - to the tune of My Favourite Things with apologies to Rogers and Hammerstein

(To the tune of My Favourite Things!)

Just four inches taller and two sizes smaller
Elegant and stylish for that impromptu caller
Home life and work life I’ve got it just right
These are the dreams I dream of at night!

A fabulous garden with gold star from Chelsea
Admired by all and magically weed free
Chic modish living all clean and white
These are the dreams I dream of at night!

A husband who’s handsome and clever and rich
Beautiful children I’d never want to switch
A wonderful family, oh what a sight!
These are the dreams I dream of at night!

When the kids fight,
When the Mum screams,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favourite dreams,
And then I don't feel so bad.


Well I do but then I get a hug and it’s not so bad after all…

This post was inspired by Who's The Mummy who wanted to know about my dreams. I'd love to know about everyone elses!