How much do you drink? And should I be worried?

It’s the end of a day and the children are in bed. It’s been exhausting, what with fetching and carrying, feeding and watering, work, play and everything in between.

I need a treat.

A lovely glass of chilled wine to wind down.

But it doesn’t stop there does it.

It’s usually a couple of glasses of wine.

Sometimes it’s three quarters of a bottle.

Occasionally a whole bottle.

It is not a good state of affairs.

I didn’t used to drink this much and I certainly didn’t drink on my own

But things have been creeping up on me and I need to face the reality that I am drinking too much.

I have cut it down somewhat by having spritzers but whereas I used to have the occasional glass during the week I now seem to have a couple of glasses a night.

It has all become far too convenient.

Wine is relatively cheap.

It comes in a screw top bottle.

And now I read it is also available by the glass at M&S and in Tetrapaks which may be all well and good for the environment but won’t be any good for me.

I mean a Tetrapak is just like having it in a box, I won’t be able to frighten myself with how much I’ve drunk because I won’t be able to see how much I have drunk until the Tetrapak is empty. Not that I ever got through a whole box.

It doesn’t help having friends over either. J usually drops in of an evening before he goes home (he works in the barn) and whereas we used to have a cup of tea we now tend to have a glass or two.

I suppose I encourage it by offering and really I should not. But if truth be known it is a way of getting him to stay longer, putting off the moment for me when I will be on my own until the following day. Dear Charlie doesn’t come home during the week anymore and while I know this is for the best, it makes the evenings yawn ahead and I don’t really know what to do with myself.

Should I be worried or is it merely a blip while I get accustomed to the new way of life?

Feelgood Monday - What better way to start the week!

I am tryoing not to cry with laughter at some of these...hope you enjoy them too! Happy Monday!

• 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 524-0960. Leave mess.
• Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
• A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
• Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
• For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
• Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
• Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
• Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
• For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
• For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
• Great Dames for sale.
• Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
• Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
• Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
• Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.
  Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
• Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
• Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
• Man, honest. Will take anything.
• Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
• Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
• Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
• Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
• 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
• Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery.  Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
• Illiterate? Write today for free help.
• Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
• Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
• And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
• We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

I apologise: it’s Friday and the all the dogs are in my office…

Tigger waiting for the Postman

I apologise now to anyone who is going to call me on the telephone and to anyone I telephone today. The reason is that when I do call you can bet your bottom dollar that the postman will arrive.

Now it’s not the postman’s fault that he will arrive right in the middle of a telephone call and nor is it his fault that he will set my dogs off.

Normally I contain this sort of event to the kitchen but today all my dogs are in my office because they pleaded with me and I gave in.

So in advance I apologise for the eruption of noise which will make it impossible for me to hear who is on the other end of the telephone and I also apologise for the sounds emanating from my end of the said telephone.

I apologise for the language used both canine and human. For the ensuing dog fight  as they all try to crowd each other out on the window sill.

I apologise to the postman for yet again terrifying him with my unruly mob and no I don’t think them jumping out of the window and chasing your van down the drive does constitutes hunting with hounds. Don’t even think about reporting me….

If my boss calls I apologise for not hearing that my deadline is due and for negotiating an extension through to next week.

I apologise to anyone asking for me to pay bills or even reminding me; I didn’t quite catch that and I will call next week.

Promise.

Finally I apologise to the Chuggers, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and anyone else taking a punt to approach me in my den thinking that just because I live in a big house I have cash to splash, I will not hear you over the noise and you must believe me when I yell that there’s no one here, I’m a devout catholic and I’ve already installed it.

To anyone else you know me and you know the dogs, the back door is open so pop the kettle on…

Bringing up boys - strange noises from his bedroom....

There are peculiar murbling noises coming from my eldest son’s bedroom punctuated by barks of laughter and strange snorts.

I can hear them from the kitchen.

Of course I shouldn’t be hearing anything from the kitchen at all as he should be fast asleep by now.

I should shoot upstairs and demand to know what is going on and tell him to turn his light off and go to sleep immediately as I know he’ll be exhausted in the morning.

Yet I haven’t the heart.

He’s reading Horrid Henry to himself.

For fun.

Not for school, not because he has to, but because he want to.

And it is a HUGE step.

Massive.

This is the boy who would shout and scream at me for forcing him to read.

This is the boy who cried himself to sleep because he’d never be able to do it.

This is the boy who got a 4E in his Autumn term assessment because he just wasn’t trying.

So I will listen to his murbling, snorting and laughing, I’ll revel in it while I can. He’ll soon catch on to the fact that he doesn’t have to say the words out loud though I doubt that will stop the laughs and snorts of delight.

Long may it last!!!!!

Feelgood Monday - What better way to start the week #4

Half term is over; and it's back to earth with a bump. Here's some absolute crackers to put you in the best frame of mind for the week ahead!

Happy Giggling!

 

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman:	What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant:	Homosexuals.
Jeremy Paxman:	No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you

 
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:	Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant:	Geography isn't my strong point.
Jamie Theakston:	There's a clue in the title.
Contestant:	Leicester

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White:	Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:	I don't know.
Stewart White:	I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant:	Arm
Stewart White:	Correct And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant:	Strong.
Stewart White:	Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant:	Louis
Stewart White:	Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:	Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski:	What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant:	France
Trelinski:	France is another country. Try again.
Contestant:	Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski:	Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant:	Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski:	Just guess a country then.
Contestant:	Paris

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson:	Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant:	The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark:	For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis:	I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoyne:	What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant:	Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter:	What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ?
Contestant:	I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO- MANCHESTER )
Phil:	What's 11 squared?
Contestant:	I don't know.
Phil:	I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant:	Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:	Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant:	Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:	On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant:	Er. .. ...
Richard:	He makes bread . . ..
Contestant:	Er . .....
Richard:	He makes cakes . . ..
Contestant:	Kipling Street ?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter:	Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant:	Barcelona
Presenter:	I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant:	I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question:	What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant:	The Pacific.

ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter:	Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant:	Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre:	What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant:	Magna Carta?

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
James O'Brien:	How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant:	Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?

 
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Chris Searle:	In which European country isMount Etna?
Caller:	Japan
Chris Searle:	I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller:	Er ..... Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat:	How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israellast?
Contestant (long pause):	Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham:	In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant:	Holland ?
Daryl Denham:	Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant:	Iceland ? Ireland ?
Daryl Denham: (helpfully)	It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant:	No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Phil Wood:	What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant:	Er. ... ...
Phil Wood:	It's got two syllables . . .. Kor . .
Contestant:	Blimey?
Phil Wood:	Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ....
Contestant:	(Silence)
Phil Wood:	OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . ..
Contestant:	Walked?

THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes:	What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant:	Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter:	What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant:	Jewish.
Presenter:	That's close enough.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright:	Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant:	Jesus.