|Tigger waiting for the Postman|
I apologise now to anyone who is going to call me on the telephone and to anyone I telephone today. The reason is that when I do call you can bet your bottom dollar that the postman will arrive.
Now it’s not the postman’s fault that he will arrive right in the middle of a telephone call and nor is it his fault that he will set my dogs off.
Normally I contain this sort of event to the kitchen but today all my dogs are in my office because they pleaded with me and I gave in.
So in advance I apologise for the eruption of noise which will make it impossible for me to hear who is on the other end of the telephone and I also apologise for the sounds emanating from my end of the said telephone.
I apologise for the language used both canine and human. For the ensuing dog fight as they all try to crowd each other out on the window sill.
I apologise to the postman for yet again terrifying him with my unruly mob and no I don’t think them jumping out of the window and chasing your van down the drive does constitutes hunting with hounds. Don’t even think about reporting me….
If my boss calls I apologise for not hearing that my deadline is due and for negotiating an extension through to next week.
I apologise to anyone asking for me to pay bills or even reminding me; I didn’t quite catch that and I will call next week.
Finally I apologise to the Chuggers, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and anyone else taking a punt to approach me in my den thinking that just because I live in a big house I have cash to splash, I will not hear you over the noise and you must believe me when I yell that there’s no one here, I’m a devout catholic and I’ve already installed it.
To anyone else you know me and you know the dogs, the back door is open so pop the kettle on…