Wednesday, 2 July 2008

Lament for a Land Rover


I want to blow up my car preferably with an anti tank missile or some other form of loud ballistic. In my mind’s eye I see her exploding with doors spiralling into the sky, a satisfactory whoomph and puffs of white smoke. It will take place on a gloriously hot clear sunny day. Piercing blue skies in the background, the car alone on the heathery moor.
What could be a more fitting end to a rusted out Land Rover, which has faithfully served my family for some 14 years?
It has been integral to our lives having seen me courted, married and brought back to earth with a loud bump due to impending motherhood. It has been there for the highs and lows. It brought my babies back from hospital, taken us on holidays and visits, brought us back from funerals.
We’ve slept in it, eaten in it, popped champagne corks in it. My son's first ice cream was devoured in it. We’ve been sick in it, hurt in it and even peed in it (well come on the poor boy was only three and Daddy would insist on going on to the next lay-by!)
We boogie in it, shout in it, sing in it and laugh in it. We tell stories to each other, play eye-spy, just shout at each other. Sometimes we just listen. We have full and frank discussions in it – many about it. We argue and we make up in it. My husband tells me he loves me when we are in it.
We’ve done 187,986 miles in it and now its bottom has rusted out and I can’t afford to weld it all together. And that is the point I can’t afford it any longer.
If diesel prices hadn’t risen so fast I might have nursed her through a few more years - in fact I always thought I would. But the cost of getting her through her MOT AND keeping her on the road is just too much to bear- some £6,000 a year and rising.
So the time is near and now it’s the final curtain and I am having problems emotionally letting go of a two-ton hunk of rusting metal. It’s just not in me to see her crushed, she deserves a better send off so I am seeking ways to do just that…and that’s where the tanks come in. The Army I’m sure could do with target practice and I know a man that knows a man who just might be interested - anything but the ignominy of the breakers yard….

22 comments:

Potty Mummy said...

How about offering her to Top Gear for them to fire over a bus or something? At least then you'll have a top notch video of the event... (And yes, I am more sympathetic than I sound). Lovely post, Tattie.

lampworkbeader said...

I understand your love for your landy. We used to have an old safari. I used to dream of driving to Africa in it. I was so sad when it was sold to a couple of young blokes who wanted it for spares. sob!

KittyB said...

Like PM's idea - send Landy out with a bang! Poor old thing, I felt like you when my old white Golf died on the A19, never to recover. I had the most fun in 'Fishy' and I still mourn her now!

Tattie Weasle said...

Thinking that Potty Mummy's idea of contacting Top Gear was really quite good I bit the bullet so to speak and sent off the following missive into the bowels of the BBC
Sorry feel a bit bonkers to ask this but my 14 year old rusty Land Rover (Disco) has finally bitten the dust as I can not afford to weld her any more even if I could find a bit of original metal to do so. Her gas guzzling habit has also got too much for us to bear BUT I am loathe to take her to the scrapper and so I am asking: would you like to give her a proper send off? I, of course, have visions of her going out with a bang, preferably a ballisticly-aided one. However, that is not the sort of thing that middle aged Mummies should be seen to be doing or even encouraging - so I respectfully pass the baton to those I feel would do a much better job.
However, if the request is considered too bizarre or even impossible I do understand. Although any other (LEGAL) ways of giving her a decent send off other than the ignominy of the breakers yard would be gratefully recieved.
...we will wait and see what their response is.

mountainear said...

I look forward to hearing what becomes of her. Could you get her compressed into a cube and call her sculpture?

ChrisH said...

Oh poor old Landy. And poor you for having to part with her. But you'll always have the memories.

Pondside said...

I know just how you feel, Tattie. We had a Volvo, called Nellie, in the 80's. She gave us such good service and I hated to see her go.
If the BBC doesn't take you up on your offer, how about donating it to a technical school or to a fire department for training purposes?

Berthddu Suit said...

Poor Landy! Poor Tattie! Fantastic idea from potty mummy though, and i'm glad you followed it up. What an amazing way to go, Top Gear! If not, Brainic likes blowing things up, i think Hammy's involved with Brainiac anyway so job may get done that way! I am definately looking forward to the update on this one!

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

We know the pain of which you speak. My husband's beloved Passatt died a horrible death this year, and he has yet to recover. However, considering the meteoric rise in gas prices of late, perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing after all!

Exmoorjane said...

Ijust love it that you sent off that to Top Gear. If it happens, you must let us know - think might even be driven to buy a TV for the event.
Know what you mean a bout getting attached to cars. I sobbed when I finally parted with my 1967 VW Beetle and again when our old Mitsubishi Shogun drove off into the sunset. We too have a tendency to drive cars into the ground.

Mud in the City said...

Poor Landy - those things have soul!
Your idea of contacting Top Gear is brilliant - I hope they do her justice!

Blossomcottage said...

Oh Yes Top Gear is the place for her I look forward to seeing Jeremy and your lovely Landy.
Love Blossom

Blossomcottage said...

Oh Yes Top Gear is the place for her I look forward to seeing Jeremy and your lovely Landy.
Love Blossom

Cait O'Connor said...

Can you crush Jeremy Clarkson and send your Landy to Top Gear?

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

I have an award for you at my place.

Gill - That British Woman said...

I understand your pain....I shed a tear when our first in Canada went to the car heaven in the sky, oh and it was leaking fuel all the way there!!!

Gill from Canada

bodran... said...

Keep her and use her as a Den!!

CAMILLA said...

Hi Tattie,

Just catching up, thank you soo much for your kind comments for my grandson, so kind.

This is a lovely blog Tattie, I love your descriptive words. Poor old Landy, I can understand how you must be feeling. I have an old Volvo Estate, not a rust mark on it, luxuriously comfortable inside, but....... after 145,000 miles its had it.

Did you contact Top Gear by the way, good idea about the send off.

xx

Preseli Mags said...

I completely understand the heartache. I learned to drive in our old Landy (at the tender age of 13), I left home for the first time in it, I went to University in it, I watched the mileometer go from 999,999 to 000,000. Then it too rusted beyond economic repair. Last month it went quietly, during the day, while I was out...
I can't wait to hear if Top Gear takes up your challenge!

Expatmum said...

Let us know if you hear from Top Gear - Jeremy Clarkson also has his own blog so you could go there too.
Talking about getting attached to cars, we visited the Heritage Car Museum near Warwick before coming back to Chicago and I had to take a photo (and bore my kids senseless) of a blue Vauxhall Viva as that's the car we had when I was little. Ah the memories.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Oh I know it's silly but I am completely devoted to my old E200 Merc that is now 14 years old too. It's only done 90,000 miles and it will go on and on for a few more years yet. It got through the MOT last month with flying colours - my lovely old Lottie - so called because she cost me 27k and I intend to run her into the ground rather than swap her. My husband wants to buy me a new one but I wont let this old bird go - not yet anyway.

I know how you feel and good on you for giving her a big finale to her time on earth! Try not to cry eh?! I would!

Mom/Mum said...

Found your blog and so glad I did. I will keep reading to see if the lovely Top Gear team take a seat behind your wheels.(Me ad hubs love the fact they braodcast it over here on BBC America)

Go on you know you want to...

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