Monday, 12 March 2012

Feelgood Monday - What better way to start the week!

These got me laughing on this grey, cold Monday!
  • "I am very detail-oreinted."
  • "I have a bachelorette degree in computers."
  • "Graduated in the top 66% of my class."
  • "I worked as a Corporate Lesion."
  • "Served as assistant sore manager."
  • "Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."
  • "Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."
  • "Special skills: Thyping."
  • "Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes."
  • "I can play well with others."
  • "I have exhaustive experience in manufacturing."
  • "Special skills: I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings."
  • "My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had."
  • "I eat computers for lunch."
  • "Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."
  • "Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."
  • "Previous experience: Self-employed -- a fiasco."
  • "I am the king of accounts payable reconciliation."
  • "Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle."
  • "I like slipping and sliding around behind the counter and controlling the temperature of the food."
  • "Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."
  • "Reason for leaving last job: Bounty hunting was outlawed in my state."
  • "I love dancing and throwing parties."
  • "I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute."
  • "I am a rabid typist."
  • "Special Skills: Speak English
  • "Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984."
  • "Experience with: LBM-compatible computers."
  • "Fortunately because of stress, worked in the cardiac intensive-care ward."
  • "Typing Speed: 756 wpm."
  • "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."
  • "Personal Qualities: Outstanding worker; flexible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year."
  • "My experience in horticulture is well-rooted."
  • "Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!
  • "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business
  • "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."
  • "Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math."
  • "Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law."

5 comments:

Suburbia said...

Particularly like the last one!

Abi said...

Love it!

Best (or worst) application for a job I've ever received was for a £50k p/a marketing job - the application read:

"I am experienced in selling and I have done computers".

That was all.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Special skills has to be the classic of the day, LOL..

CJ x

Rob-bear said...

"Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."

Not so much my objective, but it describes my life situation. All very challenging!

And lots of other people with some of the "special skills" that I seem to have picked up. LOL.

About Last Weekend said...

Brilliant - I'm not as bloody useless as I thought - though it's been some time since I applied for a job and noone in the world would consider me a speller, a collaborator or detail orinted.

Go on you know you want to...

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