Monday, 4 April 2011

10 top tips to survive a family weekend…




    1. Travel with an open mind …or no mind at all. It is always best NOT to think or dwell, as the case may be, on things that may or may not happen… you may be pleasantly surprised to find out that you and your partner are NOT (this time) told that you are overweight, your car is too dirty, your hair to long, or your children too feral…
    2.  It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and confirm that you are…best left to your brother/sister-in-law to fulfil those fantasies
    3. Never speak until spoken to – you never know you may not have to speak to them at all!
    4. Remember prior preparation prevents piss poor performance and seem suitably surprised that you have been given the room furthest away from the rest of the family and don’t forget to tip the hotel management for “understanding” ….
    5. Arrange a massage/beauty treatment lasting three hours on the first afternoon, it is wonderfully relaxing and by the evening you are so chilled out nothing and I mean nothing can upset your wa especially as you did not have to go on the annual family yomp across the moors in the drizzle…
    6. Leave everything to your partner – after all it is not your family you are dealing with…
    7. Do NOT volunteer or else you may land up looking after everyone else’s children at the swimming pool while the rest of them prop up the bar, there again this may be the perfect cop out (remember MOST teachers agree it is not the children that are the problem…)
    8. Arrange for children to create a crisis necessitating a trip to A&E 40 miles away…
    9. Be NICE to your partner they will owe you…!
    10. Smile …you’re on holiday!

11 comments:

Spencer Park said...

Sounds like top advice. If you'd posted this 4 years ago I might still have been married!

Tattie Weasle said...

Spencer Park - now I feel guilty for keeping all that sage advice to myself for so long....

Rob-bear said...

I like survivors, especially survivors who share their wisdom.

Well done, TW!

BTW, what was the Wickedest Whippet doing in the process?

mrsnesbitt said...

Hilariously so true! Love the bit about naughty children - we witnessed this last Sunday! lol!

Posie said...

So well written Tattie, that was so funny. Glad you survived to share the tips, hope the beauty treatment was fantastic and that you did not end up in the swimming pool with all the kids.....fabulously positive...er when is the next trip?? You might find as it went down so well it could be sooner rather than later?!!

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

WELL DONE !!

About Last Weekend said...

Great tips and I alway find a stiff margarita always makes the world go round. Yes and never ever get stuck looking after other people's kids, that can make me very bitter indeed!

Ladybird World Mother said...

You SURVIVED!!! And with top tips too. I have one of these weekends at the end of April. Will cut and paste all of your post and put it in my hand bag and get out when SO MAD will kill someone. Hooray! xxx

legend in his own lunchtime said...

And always leave your weapons at home.
Was it fun, or just bearable?

Beadzoid said...

Haha. Tips I may print out and sellotape into my suitcase!!!! :D xxx

potterjotter said...

Oh come on ... you loved it really, I can just tell. Goodwill-to-all-men just oozing out of every word! Well said!

Go on you know you want to...

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