Robbie Williams and you are sucked into a world of "What if..."
What if you were young again? The music disrupts your thinking and your mind becomes confused. One minute you're a forty something mother and wife, the next your are a mere slip of a thing at 23 and it is as if the last twenty years were but a dream...
The snow is falling and there are few, if any, vehicles on the highway. It's as if you are stuck between worlds and all you have to do is make a choice. This one or the one that could have been.
I think I must have been very tired and probably not fit to drive but I thought of so many missed opportunities not with exactly regret but with a wistfulness that should not have been there, not now anyway.
I allowed myself to dream, I allowed myself to meander impossibilities that never were and never will be. I crushed the thoughts from my mind. Or at least I tried. But my traitorous indisipline triumphed again. And, I being tired, thought: Why not? It is only dreaming after all, it's not as if it could ever come true.
So I allowed myself to indulge and the dream was so perfect, so wonderful. I almost, almost could taste it. The yearning, the longing for it to be real without any hurt to anyone temporaily usurped my sense of reality. In fact for a time after my journey ended I was angry that it should not be so. But I slept on it and the mundane humdrum pattern of my daily life quickly gained the upper hand.
It should have faded.
But then a few words turned my life into a sopa opera, at least in my head, and I will never be able to tell anyone.
Anyway what interest are the daydreams of a forty year old anyway...
Do I really want to make a complete tit of myself and destroy everything? Embarrass everyone especially those I hold most dear?
No of course not.
I am the mother of sons. I have four dogs and two cats. Too many chickens to count. And of course I have a loving, though somewhat exasperating, husband.