I just wanted to burst into tears.
The litany of minor pettiness goes on and I can quite see why my eldest has no wish to go to school. He’s told me that he can’t play with certain boys even if Effy isn’t playing with them himself because when he does Effy comes over and he has to leave. But it seems Effy isn’t even satisfied with that. When The Boy and his friend were playing “Power Rangers” Effy ran past and said they were babyish.
If The Boy proudly announces that his Grandpa lets him help clean his shotgun after a days shooting Effy must say his father’s is better or his grandfathers is, or that he has his own gun. It seems that at every given opportunity The Boy is being put down.
On Friday I found out that Effy is even making sure that all the teachers know when The Boy does something wrong by drawing their attention to it. There was the incident in the loo just before lunch where the Boy, Effy and one other had gone to wash their hands etc. The Boy said he and the other landed up play wrestling to see who was the stronger. Effy said he’d tell the teacher that they were fighting. The teacher asked what had happened and the other said that he had accidentally banged past The Boy and that The Boy had then thumped him. Unfortunately when the teacher asked The Boy he gave two contradictory answers. Probably I would have done too by being flustered. But there again Effy said what the other had said was true – the awful thing is perhaps it was. But, and there is a but here, my boy isn’t aggressive like that. Bog Boy my youngest would hit back but not my eldest.
It was a one off incidence I thought. But the following day The Boy was, by his own admission grumpy and during Singing did not join in. Effy immediately brought it to the teacher’s attention luckily she told Effy to stop being a Tattle Tale and as far as the rest of the day went it seemed without incident.
He is perceptive and knows something is not quite right. I glean as much as I can from passing comments rather than immediately launching into what has Effy done today. He volunteers a lot many of it unconsciously because as he keeps telling me he does not want to get Effy into trouble. As far as The Boy is concerned although I am talking to the teachers, I haven’t identified anyone. I feel awful hat I have broken that trust.
It would be good if the effects of the bullying were just at school. But they are not. Behaviour that I had put down as him being tired, being a small boy etc or even attributed to his epilepsy I find fit the behaviour of a child that is being bullied. And it has been going on for ages. His inability to stop wetting his bed, his weepiness, his moodiness and lack of confidence. I am a prize idiot for not putting two and two together. For my naivety that because he is at a private school with small classes that he would be better protected against this sort of thing when in fact I believe the worse to be true.
I have SO let him down.
I promise I am going to get this sorted and I pray I do it right. II have found the most marvellous website so for any of you whoever have to go through this. Go here first: http://www.beatbullying.org