There are days, weeks even when the amount of time you are allowed to stand still is negligible; the next few days are like that and I am scared. I am scared I have stretched myself too thin and the whole edifice that is my life will come crashing down with all the familiar detrius that is a depressive episode.
I know that if I get too tired and stressed I am basically gagging for it and yet when are our lives ever not at full tilt. I have two boys, I have school runs, homework, laundry, a house, dogs, chickens, a husband and heck I have work to do as well. How on earth can I slow down?
I expect everyone has the same or at lease variations on a theme. The life of a modern mother/wife is hectic and it rarely lets up. And sometimes everything happens at once. Such is life.
Today I have had people in doing stuff which has necessitated me running about nodding sagely here, pointing out errors there and advising in my capacity as project manager of three differnt things while making sure that The Boy doesn't get too bored on his enforced day away from school following yet another bout of the vomiting virus. There's been teh hosuework, my work and of course the school runss to fit in as well as a trip to the vet for my ailing cat ( the news was not hopeful). The icing on today's cake happened to be a talk to the WI on my adventures before I decided on the life I now lead.
Tomorrow doesn't look much better with more of the same from a variety of builders and carpenters, the imminent arrival of the chaps doing the hedges (a left over from before the big freeze) and the fact that I have to go to Addenbrooks for an Epilepsy check -up with the Boy subject to him NOT throwing up in the wee hours. I will also have to take his younger brother and I doubt I will be back before 7pm when I have a friend's daughter popping round so I can help her go through her personal statement for University.
Please will someone tell me why I do all this? Shouldn't I have learnt by now? Why is it so difficult to say No?