The Nightmare before Christmas…(Apologies to the 12 Days Of Chrismas)

With just 12 sleeps to Christmas

I started getting cross

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 11 sleeps to Christmas

There was no shopping done

This isn’t fun

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 10 sleeps to Christmas

Dog ate the Christmas cake

Goodness sake

This isn’t fun

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 9 sleeps to Christmas

No cards had been sent

I need to vent

Goodness sake

This isn’t fun

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 8 sleeps to Christmas

I got the turkey bid

Sixty five quid!

I need to vent

Goodness sake

This isn’t fun

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 7 sleeps to Christmas

The heating oil ran out

Do not to shout

Sixty five quid!

I need to vent

Goodness sake

This isn’t fun

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 6 sleeps to Christmas

I got the presents bought

So I thought…

Do not to shout

Sixty five quid!

I need to vent

Goodness sake

This isn’t fun

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 5 sleeps to Christmas

We brought in the tree

Oh what debris!

So I thought…

Do not to shout

Sixty five quid!

I need to vent

Goodness sake

This isn’t fun

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 4 sleeps to Chrismas

The pipes they did burst

I feel cursed

Oh what debris!

So I thought…

Do not to shout

Sixty five quid!

I need to vent

Goodness sake

This isn’t fun

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 3 sleeps to Christmas

Please don’t take the mick

The cat was sick

I feel cursed

Oh what debris!

So I thought…

Do not to shout

Sixty five quid!

I need to vent

Goodness sake

This isn’t fun

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 2 sleeps to Christmas

I got another guest

Tiny bit stressed

The cat was sick

I feel cursed

Oh what debris!

So I thought…

Do not to shout

Sixty five quid!

I need to vent

Goodness sake

This isn’t fun

Why don’t we call the whole thing off?

With just 1 sleep to Christmas…

Say bye bye to all this

Hotel bliss!

Bah! Humbug! - shall I just give up on Christmas?

Shall I just give up on Christmas? I mean it’s not as if we are spending it at home so why bother with decorating it? No one will see it and I don’t think my family will appreciate it either. I posed that question (somewhat aggressively I might add) to the boys this morning. My head was full of the things I had to do IF I decided to go ahead with Christmas at our place.

First, there’d be the Christmas letter to write, the Christmas cards to buy, the envelopes to address and then of course the cost of the stamps. We don’t do much by halves at this place so the Christmas card list sits at nearly 200 strong. We never get back as many cards as we send out I might add.

Then I would have to find tall the decorations and dress the house. It is something I have always loved in the past but with us not being here I wonder would it be worth it and I feel that there is no point. Yet I am conflicted, I do love seeing my home dressed for Christmas.

But there is so much work involved. There is SO much to do. I have work and deadlines to meet and every weekend from now till New Year is packed; no rest or breather though I will admit at least this year I don’t have to do the lot myself. A silly practice I had got into whereby I’d be charging about entertaining from the week before Christmas to the weekend after New Year. No wonder I flopped into a depression every January I was far too exhausted.

So now without that pressure I feel in two minds. Do I hurtle about or do I drop it? There is no particular need is there?

Then I see their faces in the rear-view mirror.

Christmas may not be in our house this year but the build-up still is. I hear a little voice from the back of the car: “So Father Christmas won’t be coming to our house then?”

I check myself. God how selfish I am! “Of course he will sweetheart,” I say. And I mean it. The spirit of Christmas fills my heart because I know how much it means to them and after all what is Christmas all about if not them?

And later I will scamper about in the barn hunting down the decorations.

I will charge off to the shops to get the cards and do the Christmas Shopping.

The Christmas round robin letter will be written.

The envelopes addressed.

And I, well, I won’t be doing everything this time, there will be no cooking or extra cleaning, no jollying along of in-laws and making everything perfect for everyone else because I think that is what they want so I think it will be a Merry Christmas after all…

BIG SHOP RANT

Do I think it a good idea to shop on a Saturday? No I do not. In fact I think that those who do not HAVE to shop on a Saturday shouldn't - BY LAW.
I know I am getting a bit draconian in my old age but I am beginning to feel very strongly about this. First there are the OAPs who shop on a Saturday. Now lovelies I know it is difficult to change the habit of a lifetime but Saturday shopping is  a no no for you guys because you can shop ANY day of the week so stop clogging the aisles  and the car park and go for a nice Pub lunch or trip to the Seaside leave the supermarkets to those who need to shop because this is the ONLY day they can shop owing to having to work ALL week. This would reduce the incidences of trolley rage considerably and lead to a much calmer society.
Then there are the stay at home Mums/Dads with toddlers again you can actually shop ANYday of the week so don't put yourself or your offspring through the Saturday shop; please!
This also pertains to hairdressers. I don't know about you but when you work and you really need to get a hair cut it is rather galling to know that you can't get a slot because Mrs Thomas ( aged 74) has her regular Blue Rinse on a Saturday...ladies if you don't have to please please don't it is SO unfair!
I know of course there are exceptions but a little thought for your harrassed Saturday shoppers who would really rather be doing something much nicer...

5 things not to do if you want the perfect Christmas...

1. Do not go into town to do your shopping on the second to last Saturday before Christmas - it's not clever and it's not funny and you''ll land up waiting in queues for ages in HMV and then the bundle you want will be sold out and on top of that they will not be able to second guess you when you say you are looking for the latest hit by the Allie girl. After what feels like two hours making them search everywhere for you you will realise it's not Allie but Lily Allen. You are then given a withering look and they promptly say that they don't have her most recent Album anyway...
2. Do not leave writing your Christmas cards adn Christmas letter to the last minute as it will cause undue pressure on your marraige cause your children to cry and force your dogs to seek sanctuary under the table. You will go to bed feeling very cross and have a rotten night's sleep...
3. Do not  agree to host a drinks part for all and sundry between Christmas and New Year because you have been lax on the socialising front. You know everyone will say yes just because you dont want them to and instead of the 20 you thought you were catering for you'll land up with 80 plus hangers on!
4. Do not take the sports car with you to do the Christmas shopping you will only get stopped by police on way home and have to explain that the reason that you cannot vacate you car is because if you open the door all your necessities will spill all over the road causing a hazard to other motorists...
5. Do not say it's Ok for your sister/parents/in-laws to stay over the Christmas /New Year season and bring their dogs when you already have seven to look after yourself...you just know that on Christmas morning you are the one who will tread on the proverbial before you have even had the chance for a nice cup of tea...

 PS: ThinkingSlimmer - ohmygod I've lost 2lbs!!!!!!!! It has been quite amazing I haven't stopped eating or changed what it is I do eat, I have just been so much more aware and boy has it made a difference...