|Ian Somerhalder as Damon Salvatore|
The highlight of my Tuesday evenings now revolves around The Vampire Diaries and a particular character called Damon.
I am far too old to have this sort of reaction; especially to something that is far...well too young for me.
I am a married woman with two young sons ( Please note the young popped in here I am trying not to seem too old when in fact even the doctors in hospital referred to me as geriatric) and the dreadful thing is I am probably old enough to be Ian Somerhalder's Mum too.
It is not a fact that is edifying to contemplate.
Actually I feel somewhat ashamed.
It never used to be like this.
I mean when I was younger all the crushes I had were way older than me.
(Apart from that eat really embarrassing time at the Summer Disco in 1982 when I tried to get off with a boy who turned out to be two years younger - my 15 to his 13 - but in my defence I have to say that he was way taller than me...)
So why now do I find that the crushes I have are getting younger by the day?!
And why on EARTH do they haunt my dreams so?
It is most discombobulating.
It's not something I am likely to confess to my husband either so it probably is for the best that during the working week he works in London and I can watch the Vampire Diaries in guiltless pleasure. But if I let things get out of hand I am certain to make a fool of myself.
Not that I would stalk a crush.
Just that I might, you know, actually say his name at an inappropriate time in my husband's hearing.
Now THAT would be embarrassing...
I know there's nothing wrong with having an active imagination but as my husband and I are not actually together during the week how on earth would I explain me shouting out another man's name in my sleep? Even if that other man has:
A) Never met me
B) Lives in another country
C) Isn't actually real anyway
Should I just lie and pretend that I do know this character or should confess my crush?
I mean how silly is it to have a crush when you are over 40?
Just had a thought do you think I will have crushes like this when I am 80????!!!
I think I should die now. That really will be bad. That is sooo bad. It's like knowing your parents still have sex when you are a teenager.
Perhaps I may be lucky; perhaps it is something you grow out of.
Maybe it's to do with all the hormones flying around my body in a last desperate fling at youth in the face of the reality that I am way closer to 50 than I will ever be to 35 again.
Perhaps once I am over the menopause things as paltry as crushes and urges to grapple the nearest man to the ground will just be fleeting and somewhat unimportant memories as I struggle with securing one down on the Times Cryptic Crossword.
You never know I may find a hidden yearning to knit, crochet and do needle point and the crushes of my middle years will be but as ghosts...
God I hope so...