Monday, 8 November 2010

Bringing up boys: Do they speak English???

How many times do you have to say turn off the light before they do it? It’s not a trick question. How many times do you have to ask your sons, husbands, partners, brothers even, dare I say it, fathers before they listen? And then more importantly act upon the information given? It’s no wonder they call me a nag!
I can ask perfectly pleasantly: Please turn off the light/stop picking your nose/remove your fingers from the door I am going to shut it and I am ignored. But it’s not as if they are paying me enough attention to ignore me; I mean that would take an act of will, it’s like they just don’t hear me or that I am talking another language and one that is totally alien to them. I mean is it any wonder I land up shouting??!!
The utter frustration of having to repeat oneself over and over again would send anyone sane round the twist at the best of times.
I note though, that their deafness is selective. Whisper very quietly that you are offering Mars bars to the first person who gets to the dining room table for lunch and it’s like the screaming hordes are about to descend such is their enthusiasm and one has to flatten oneself against the wall for fear of being trampled.
Things that require effort usually on their behalf, such as picking up dirty clothing and putting it in the laundry basket are the worst. You would think by all the fuss made I was sending them to their deaths.
I have visions of them complaining all the way to the Guillotine, them as the poor bedraggled sons of nobility in their tundrel, me the mean spirited Madame Defarge character and tricoteuse extraordinaire:
Bog Boy: You’re so MEAN Mummy I ALWAYS have to do it.
The Boy: You don’t love me do you? You are ALWAYS making me do things.
Me: Ha (in a French accent) ah spit on yer, yer sons of ….
Well they are my sons so of course I don’t do it I just carry on knitting and merely peer over my glasses until the tirade of abuse  is over and they fall to my will anyway…I can dream can’t I???
Now will you PLEASE pick up your socks! How many times do I have to tell you!!!! Do you think the Laundy Fairy does it???!!!


Expat mum said...

It's not just boys believe me. I have one girlie who is very deaf when it comes to PUTTING MY THINGS BACK AFTER SHE HAS FINISHED BORROWING THEM.

PantsWithNames said...

Mine have such selective hearing that their teachers have asked to refer them to the health visitor to check their hearing. I duly did so. Nothing wrong with their hearing - they can also hear offers of a Mars Bar at 500 paces.

The health visitor did say they get a lot of boys referred for hearing checks. Most of the time there is nothing wrong. So it isn't just ours.But I do have a twinge of sympathy for their future wives. They will have had YEARS of ignoring the female voice by then...

Nicola said...

My boys are the same. They complain about my shouting no end and my nickname (self appointed I may add) is Mummy Shouty Knickers. The thing is I have purposefully asked nicely but firmly 3-6 times for them to get shoes on/bring plates to kitchen etc - with the last firm request clearly telling them that the next request will be At Full Fogs Horn Volume. But still they are cloth-earred. Then I yell - then they look at me in stunned amazement, possibly start to cry, as if they hadn't heard a single word I said beforehand.

Yet, like you, if I even whisper the words "who would like a sweet" (jeez I think I could even mime it and they would respond) they are at my side in a second.

By the way - been catching up on posts. Fab writing. Really feel for you on the rugby front. Not sure how I would feel about preventing my 7 year old from participating either - although I know he too would put a very brave face on.

And gorgeous puppies!!x

bodran... said...

though girls will hopefully get the idea, boys just put them in the shed xx

TheMadHouse said...

I could have wrote this post. it is terrible here at the moment. Mini was referred to the hospital audiologist, but no he isn't deaf, just ignorant

Jude said...

Yes, it's exactly the same in this household. My husband especially hates to be ignored, and the penalties are dire if my two boys ignore him. I just shout and get upset.

Lou said...

Alegedly counting works with boys.. 'Pick up your socks/close the door/turn off the, Two, THREE...!' It's something to do with men and numbers??? For some reason, however, this really annoys my husband, Dad, brother-in-law,the Headmaster... can't win, can we?

Potty Mummy said...

Ah lurve yur Frensh acksen, ma cherie... (made me laugh, actually)

Posie said...

.....and the worst of it is they think that I am the only person in the world to nag....know exactly how you feel x

Iota said...

Socks. Hundreds of them. Dirty. On the floor. Smelly. Behind furniture. Abandoned. Lost. Forgotten.

Such is the lot of the mother of boys.

Go on you know you want to...


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