Sunday, 13 June 2010

Biting one's tongue...

Sometimes it is so hard NOT to say anything especially when you are mad and a tiny bit tipsy. I do not know how on earth I kept my mouth shut maybe a deep seated sense of self preservation prevailed. Maybe I knew deep down I didn't really mean any of the things I was thinking.
But boy I wanted to seriously lash out.
Things have been interesting between DC and I of late, though of course he doesn't actually know that. I have soundly berated him, scorned him and basically given him what for, but of course he has not heard a thing, which is hardly surprising because when I let off steam at him he's usually safely ensconced in his office some 80 miles away and I am invariably driving either to or from School. I actually believe if it wasn't for the school run my marriage would be over or at least in a more critical state than I perceive it at present. Maybe everyone does this sort of thing, which actually when you think about it makes one wonder why women have a far safer driving record than men but there again we are better at multi tasking: Negotiate staggetred junction on busy main road while listening to Chris Evans on Radio Two and dividing up chattels of proposed imaginary divorce. Piece of cake really!
I do pity him, he ambles home innocent of the murderous thoughts whizzing around his wife's head, plonks his newspaper and brief case on the newly cleared kitchen table, pops open the fridge to take out his whisky and soda, leaves aforementioned whisky and soda on Welsh Dresser, seeks out spouse and asks her what sort of day she had. It must baffle him greatly to be met with a scowl or a monosalabic response. I want to say to clarify matters that I am actually protecting him, even if I do sound terribly mean, for by 8.30pm at night I am ready to go bang with pent up frustration but also realise that to do so would just cause unecessary grief.
As far as he is concerned I am a grumpy old bag or it's the time of the month. Perhaps he'll talk to his Mum and she'll mention the need for Vitamin B6, B12 and more leafy green vegetables and that for some women the change comes early...
Maybe it's the age I am, the fact that I don't DO anything that I really want always trying to seocnd guess what everyone else wants or more importantly what he wants.
And I can't get that image out of my mind of a couple in an advert in the 90s. He looking goofily at the camera while sitting in a chair, his wife perched on the arm. He says earnestly: "We want to be together." And you see her just raising an eyebrow.

9 comments:

Lou said...

Oh Tattie,
wish I was a fairy godmother with a wand...... You're very good to bite your tongue when you're tired.

Actually I have got a wand, I bought it in deepest Africa, AND it's majic .... off to wave it now.

Good times a'comin' I promise

xx

Lou said...

'Majic is African for magic...' she said, looking Tattie staight in the eye.

Preseli Mags said...

I remember that advert. So funny. Perhaps school runs and commutes are vital parts of a marriage and without them we'd all be at the divorce courts!

Mother Hen said...

Hang in there, tomorrow is nother day. Who doesn't have a bad day once in a while with the other half.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Yup that advert was a hoot. Blogging probably gives you a perspective that you don't get when it just goes round and round in your head. A bit like therapy - hearing your thoughts repeated back at you, what you have said returned is a good form of therapy. Writing is equally as good. So is writing a list of pros and cons for staying together, living apart. It is a particularly good way of visualising what your life may be like were you to make the move or stay. Single parenting, step-parenting possibly eventually - two good reasons to think long and hard about making a list of things to try to make your relationship better before you bail out. I've been there as have many - sometimes a rough patch is just that, a rough patch that can be worked through. I hope you get some direction soon.

jackveronic said...

真正的朋友不會把友誼掛在嘴巴上 ............................................................

notwavingbutironing said...

Know how it feels to imagine the break-up, Tattie - I've mentally decorated my post-divorce flat (dove-grey walls, in case you're interested). Hope you can work it through. xx

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Go and stand in the middle of a field and talk to yourself, then scream very loudly. When you get back inside, smile. Men will never understand women (and vice versa), but I'm sure he loves you enough to listen.

Take care, CJ xx

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

Hope you manage to sort out what you need and want from your marriage. Others here have given you some excellent advice on how to work out ways to improve things.
Lots of love xx

Go on you know you want to...

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