Sometimes it is so hard NOT to say anything especially when you are mad and a tiny bit tipsy. I do not know how on earth I kept my mouth shut maybe a deep seated sense of self preservation prevailed. Maybe I knew deep down I didn't really mean any of the things I was thinking.
But boy I wanted to seriously lash out.
Things have been interesting between DC and I of late, though of course he doesn't actually know that. I have soundly berated him, scorned him and basically given him what for, but of course he has not heard a thing, which is hardly surprising because when I let off steam at him he's usually safely ensconced in his office some 80 miles away and I am invariably driving either to or from School. I actually believe if it wasn't for the school run my marriage would be over or at least in a more critical state than I perceive it at present. Maybe everyone does this sort of thing, which actually when you think about it makes one wonder why women have a far safer driving record than men but there again we are better at multi tasking: Negotiate staggetred junction on busy main road while listening to Chris Evans on Radio Two and dividing up chattels of proposed imaginary divorce. Piece of cake really!
I do pity him, he ambles home innocent of the murderous thoughts whizzing around his wife's head, plonks his newspaper and brief case on the newly cleared kitchen table, pops open the fridge to take out his whisky and soda, leaves aforementioned whisky and soda on Welsh Dresser, seeks out spouse and asks her what sort of day she had. It must baffle him greatly to be met with a scowl or a monosalabic response. I want to say to clarify matters that I am actually protecting him, even if I do sound terribly mean, for by 8.30pm at night I am ready to go bang with pent up frustration but also realise that to do so would just cause unecessary grief.
As far as he is concerned I am a grumpy old bag or it's the time of the month. Perhaps he'll talk to his Mum and she'll mention the need for Vitamin B6, B12 and more leafy green vegetables and that for some women the change comes early...
Maybe it's the age I am, the fact that I don't DO anything that I really want always trying to seocnd guess what everyone else wants or more importantly what he wants.
And I can't get that image out of my mind of a couple in an advert in the 90s. He looking goofily at the camera while sitting in a chair, his wife perched on the arm. He says earnestly: "We want to be together." And you see her just raising an eyebrow.