Monday, 15 February 2010

St Valentine's Day - When you get it wrong really, really wrong…

My God I think he got it, he really, really got it! Last night he cooked dinner, a beautiful dinner. OK, not the three course thing and it was served on trays in front of the telly or would have been if there was anything decent on. I persuaded him to eat at the kitchen table and well it did. Who needs candle light or even a table cloth?
We had baked potatoes, salad out of the bag and beef olives – which were just scrumptious. He proudly told me he’d only just got to the butchers on time and Mark was closing up but agreed to serve him as he’d got his foot in the door before they officially closed. I was impressed.
He said he was too as he’d got a great deal on the beef, two for the price of one as they were a special St Valentine's Day recipe that would not keep. He enthusiastically said we’d have the second lot on Monday.
I have a feeling my husband and I are just not connecting, we’re a little out of sync. I don’t remember it always being so but after ten years and two children perhaps my memory is a little fuzzy.
It’s not as if we don’t try, we do but not together. Take last night, before the estimable supper, for instance. I’m having a bath; he’s putting the boys to bed. He’s already totally flummoxed me with not one, but two beautiful bouquets and has served me chilled Bouvay La Dubay. I am feeling Gooooood. He comes into the bathroom.
Him: “Hey is the bath still hot? I really need a bath.”
Me: “Sure come on in!”
Him, looking a little startled: “I think Bog Boy needs you to kiss him good night…”
I get out of the bath and drape a large fluffy towel round me and saunter off in the direction of my youngest’s room. Ten minutes later I return and slip into the bath with my husband.
Him: “Whoa! The water’s going to go over!”
Me: “No don’t worry about that. I’ll sit down slowly.”
Some where along the line it doesn’t work quite as I had planned and instead of going slow I splash, fall back on my husband ooofing him somewhat and probably totally negating any chance of us ever - even if we wanted to - having another child again, water goes everywhere and I find myself alone in what suddenly seems to be a very, very, big bathtub.
Me, looking up at him surprised, as he snaps a towel round his waist: “Oh you got out!”
Him: “Well, I am rather tired…”
As he walks out the bathroom I think isn’t that meant to be my excuse?
And then, of course, we have the dinner and I am truly touched. We seem to have drifted sort of, certainly over the last six months, maybe longer, I forget. There’s always so much to do and things to get on with. I suppose I hadn’t noticed. I feel a little guilty of my neglect because I have neglected him. Just as much as I feel he has neglected me. I determined to try again.
So tonight I do my best, but my best sort of fizzles out probably because my timing sucks. If you want to seduce your husband don’t do it when your kids have just gone to bed and are still trying to persuade you that they are NOT tired, don’t opt to retire to the coldest room in the house even if it is the furthest one from the aforementioned children, don’t forget to feed the dogs, don’t forget to lock the door and most importantly don’t forget to relax..
Suffice to say he was sweet about it all even when the dogs goosed him when he wasn’t expecting it – hey it would put the best off their stride. He said he loved me and I wondered if he really did. For whenever we try to get it together well it just doesn’t seem to happen I mean when I get it wrong, I really, really, get it wrong!

Picture shows: "Candle lit dinner for two" from Lady & The Tramp, Disney 1955.


SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Practice makes perfect ?

Heather said...

oh i know how this can feel. We were very much like this a couple of years ago. Some nights i would cry myself to sleep quietly next to him because I was convinced he didn't want me anymore

I feel like I should say 'talk about it' with him but that wouldn't have worked for us, we would have just started fighting and passing hurt and blame, instead i forced myself to keep smiling and work harder - it didn't take long of me putting in more effort before he reciprocated. I wont pretend it didn't piss me off that i was the one who had noticed and was trying but now we are happy and its all behind us.

I hope you can both make things work. Maybe some time together like a date night?

Anonymous said...

Sweetheart. Valentine's pressure is hideous. But that effort he went to? Priceless. I am sure a more salubrious evening is just around the corner....

Tattie Weasle said...

SmitoniusAndSonata - definitiely but I will make sure I leave the dogs locked up....
Heather - Oh Heather! Yep is does piss me off that I notice but I'm not giving up yet...look you got through it so, so can I! Thank you.
Mud - he did indeed try and I am planning my next seduction sans canines and sans children. The heatng is now ON!

The Dotterel said...

Isn't it always on these so-called 'significant' dates that it seems to hit much harder?

For what it's worth, we 'gave up' Valentine's Day years ago... not that either of us isn't romantic, but you can't be romantic to order. and we're sometimes - hell, lots of times - out of sync. But it's worth trying for the times when it all comes together. And they're fewer now, but still as special.

Tattie Weasle said...

The Dotterel - that's what he says too! It may not be as often but it's still special..OK I'm just gonna have to beleive him now!

Kitty said...

Hmmm, know how that feels. Two lives whirring away under one roof, colliding only to pass the time of day. I make us go for a long walk - hold hands, nothing to do but talk, to use a corny word we 'reconnect' and things get better.

Tattie Weasle said...

Kitty - You are so right, it's the reconnect bit that's important: physically by holding hands as well as emotionally.

diney said...

That was such a shame - oomphing back into the bath rather spoiled the moment I guess, but perhaps you can have a laugh about it? Laughter is the best aphrodisiac and children the best birth control!!

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

We gave up Valentines years ago. I don't miss it. The agreement is that we will have another day, our day, a day we choose which is for us. Find this works much better than trying to be romantic to order.

Shame about the bath though. And the dogs. What is it about the dogs that they always want to come and have a look at the wrong moment?

An award for you over at mine if you fancy it. x

Tattie Weasle said...

Diney - best bit of advice I have ever read you had me bursting out with laughter about the kids! Totally agree!
Brit in Bosnia - I know I shouldn't have tried the romance to order bit but soemtimes if you don't even take that opportunity...anyway I blame the dogs! Thank you very very much for the award - a bit of sunshine will do everyone good!

Iota said...

Don't underestimate the power of having young children to subvert the good things in a marriage. They won't always be at this stage, and life can turn around quickly.

I think the thoughts and feelings you describe are shared by many others. Is that a comfort and a source of hope? It's meant to be.

Tattie Weasle said...

Iota - It's a great comfort! You always suspect but until someone else says Oh God that's happened to me you are never quite sure!

Go on you know you want to...


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