Friday, 5 February 2010

Bringing up Boys: Willies, wee and ritual humiliation


Boys are wonderful creatures really despite driving their mothers to distraction.
Mine just cannot seem to concentrate for longer than two seconds and decide to instigate inappropriate conversations when I cannot answer or when answering would mean that I have to somewhat embarrassingly acknowledge that yes they are my children rather than someone else’s.
The conversations usually run along the lines of sex - their view of it - or going to the loo, sometimes both. For example, there’s this one from The Boy aged six and three quarters. “Why does my willy go hard when I pee Mummy?” said only this Tuesday by the cheese counter at Waitrose.
There is the classic: “I know where babies come from…” said by eldest in East as he watched me and two larger ladies try on dresses – wait for it: “from fat people Mummy.”
Then there is Bog Boy saying he needs a wee while we look round the Lots at a very posh auction house. This is the first time he has announced this, I start to respond with a: “Are you sure?” but before I can finish he says: “It’s alright now Mummy, I’ve gone…” and I note the growing damp patch on the soft moss green carpet emanating from where he stands totally unfazed.
One begins to wonder whether taking children out is a good idea or whether one should opt for shopping on the internet until they are teenagers.
It’s not just when I am shopping and they are understandably bored but it happens that they suddenly demand attention when I am trying to turn right at a busy junction or am trying to negotiate my way across four lanes of terrifyingly fast moving traffic on the motorway, sometimes it’s happened in Museums, on trains, basically at moments when my attention is not really focussed on them.
They know I get cross and my response cannot be what they are really after but they are learning. If they really want to hit Mummy in the emotional solar plexus all they have to do is say: “Mummy, you’re the best mummy in the world!”
Usually after I have just barked at them in public just to ensure my ritual humiliation is total as well.

15 comments:

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

LOVE the new look.

I love boys. They are fab. And straightforward. Just take them outside, run them around a lot, ignore the wrestling and deal with the toilet humour.

(yesterday from mine: Mummy 'b' is for bat, ball, burp, bottom and boobs. Sigh. At least they are learning something)

Tattie Weasle said...

Brit in Bosnia - Thank you! Sometimes it's nice to change things round a bit. Boys huh - love your their take on the letter B! Mine I know would have added B*gger to it as well! Brilliant!

Diney said...

Love their straight forward-ness in comparison to girls (as in adults!). My 10 year old (girl) knows too much about where babies come from now, and loves asking really embarrassing questions now that she knows so much - to her Daddy! I must blog on that one!

Fire Byrd said...

My youngest now 19 when 9 sat at the table and asked loudly what's a blow job...... try explaining that over a bowl of spaghetti. His answer when I'd given him a nice clean answer was to announce loudly they put what in their mouths, ugh! much to his 14 yr old brothers and mothers total embarresment.
Thanks for stopping by lovely to see you.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Great new blog look. Is that saying, boys will be boys, appropriate?

CJ xx

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

I'm afraid shopping with teenage boys is no better. Unless we are shopping for him (and then it's done as quickly as possible and now can we go home please) he is a nightmare, moaning and muttering and sulking. I leave him at home or use the internet.
Thankfully the rude stage does pass; he doesn't talk about his willy anymore thank god.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Oh , girls can boom inappropriate comments in public too .
Not that I'm going to give you any examples . Are you mad !! I going to stay with Smitonius soon .
Sonata .

Tattie Weasle said...

Diney - I'll look forward to the blog! As for Boys I do love their dirctness just wish it wasn't quite so public!
FireByrd - OMG!!!! I think I woulsd have just burst into giggles and left it to Dad to sort out.
CJ _ I don't know apart form Dad (of course) I come forom a long line of girls...
Trish - Had a funny feeling that was the case - but good news on the willy front eh!?
SmitoniusAndSonata - Can they? I don't remember if I did and certinaly not about willies...I will have to investigate! :)

Jenny Holden said...

Blog is looking great, I like the tale of your two boys :o)

Memory blog as requested over on mine :o)

Iota said...

I like your new look. The green is very restful.

Boys. Yes, indeed. I've noticed more and more what boys are like since having a girl. Throws it into relief.

Mud in the City said...

Great new look! And is it cynical to say that I think boys will always be boys, even when they are 35??

Angela said...

Hahaha, that was soo funny! We have two girls who always tried to find their own answers. I remember how our youngest as a two-year-old watched her dad under a shower, usually only having seen her sister and me, and frowned, "Daddy, are you FALSE?"

Boys are much more concerned with their "tool", I suppose. Well, it`s movable, after all.
I`m glad you came to my blog so I could find you. I like your Welsh humour. Will surely be back!

Ladybird World Mother said...

Oooooh. Love the snow. Heaven.
Your boys sound just like mine... just loved the title to this post. Although am in mad dash, just HAD to see what it was all about!!

Pam said...

Brit in Bosnia's first comment amused me. Sounds like the Australian male.Translated from boy to manspeak = Cricket,food and sex, and like Brit's advice, they are happier when taken outside to run around a lot with their friends.

Tattie Weasle said...

Jenny - Thank you. I'm afraid there's a lot like this but I also have a life with chickens, dogs and well even work :) Looking forward to your meme!!!
Iota - I so longed for a girl...it's quite scary knowing that I live in an all male household!
Mud - That's what I was afraid of!
Angela - I love their innocent curiosity. Down to the fact that my youngest is convinced I am a boy really. He asked me last night what had I done with my willy: had I lost it?
Ladybird World Mother - god to know they are quite normal talking about things like this despite having me as a Mum!!!
Pam - I can't wait for the days to be drier and lighter then it's open the doors and O.U.T you lot! I think boys must be a lot like dogs: good food, regular exercise and plenty of love!

Go on you know you want to...

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