NetParanoia.com - fear of the net and being a parent

So you have kids. Do you let them play in the playground at school? Do they get hurt there? Fall over? Fall out with their mates? Get teased? Possibly bullied?
Being at school and playing in the playground and learning how to deal with all that that entails is part of growing up and we wouldn't want to stop that - would we?
But are we as free and easy about it on the net?
Judging by the headlines the net is a far scarier, and more deadly place, for kids to be than in the school playground, than at home...
But statistically speaking children are more likely to be harmed at home and by their parents on a physical, emotional and mental basis than they are ever likely to be anywhere else - the net included! These were the points raised at a brilliant lecture I went to last night: NetParanoia.com The Great Internet Paranoia Swindle with Euan Semple: an internet guru you could say.
He was not advocating that parents should negate their responsibilities and that everything and everyone on the net was a benign force with only the best intentions at heart; but what he was saying was that we, as parents, should be learning about the internet and using it ourselves the better to understand the opportunities it can give, they way it works so we can understand the threats, and how we can all benefit, not just as families but as a community.
Just because our children can turn on a smart phone and switch on a computer, without having to look at a manual, does not mean they are experts at working the web or indeed how to behave online. That  would be like saying that just because they can walk and talk means they know how to behave full stop - they, like all of us, have to learn.
The talk, and discussion after, jumped about a bit covering topics such as how freely should I let my children play on the internet to how do I deal with horrific and indeed sexual images on the net? How do I help my children with  on-line bullying? And what about the glare from computers? How do I deal with a child who keeps playing with computers way into the night...
The simple answer was this: be a parent and do what you always do.
If you don't want them playing the computer way into the night don't have the computer in the bedroom; if you are worried about your kids never going outside; tell them to go outside. On-line bullying is the same as bullying full stop and deal with it as you would if it was happening in the playground.
Dealing with  horrific and sexual images on the net is just the same as if  you came across them in a magazine or newspaper. Some will say they are more accessible on-line but  take a look around you  and you will probably find that  the local news on the radio is just as graphic. My kids certainly know all about Operation Yew Tree and what happened to the two girls who were hung from a tree in Pakistan as it was on the radio news on their way to school.
Most of the time they tune out: "News is boring!" Sometimes I am put on the spot and I have to explain the best I can.
We should not be fearful of the internet or indeed fearful for our children - it is an amazing place where we can learn and share and just because we are told: "Muuum! You are SO old!" does not mean that we should not learn and share too.
The use of the internet has freed me to earn money as a journalist from home; I have connected with a community that has stopped me going barking mad, I have met people  on-line who are amazing, kind, collaborative, witty, wise and I have learnt so much!
Long may it continue for me and my family!

Parental control - a saluatory tale...

Sometimes its something they say to show off that makes you realise that it's the end of innocence as you know it.

That’s what it seemed to me last week when my eldest said he had seen sex on the computer. It took me a few  seconds to cotton on to what he was saying.

And it shocked me to the core.

My son had obviously seen porn.

On the computer.

He’s only eight years old!

My next reaction, while trying very hard to keep the concern out of my voice so as not to frighten him into silence, was to ascertain where he had found it, why he had found it and what I could do about it.

I tried to concentrate but my mind was working overtime. How had he got on my computer? He couldn’t have done this at home I am always so careful.

But there had been that time when I left him doing Mathletics and he’d gone off to find Moshi Monsters all on his own…was it then?

Good grief was it at school?!

Surely they have people to make sure this kind of thing never happens, surely they must have computer controls?!

Me, trying to sound as if this sort of thing didn’t matter: “Really?”

Him: “Yeah me and a friend typed in S.E.X. and saw a woman and man doing it…”

Me: “What did you think?”

Him, goes red and sniggers: “It was really silly…”

Oh thank god for that.

Me: “So when did you do this? At School?”

Him: “No it was when I went on a playdate…”

Oh thank god for that too at least it’s not on my watch...no this is bad how can I trust him to go on playdates again? This is awful! What sort of parent allows their kids to go on a computer unsupervised…Oh, yes … me. I did.

It’s terrifying how easy it is for children to view porn on computers. You think they are too young and couldn’t possibly be interested. But you forget they are growing up and are curious and want to know more even if it starts out just as a giggle.And the first place they are going to go to find out more is to the internet...

You may keep your computer under lock and key but phones nowadays have access to the web, your kids will have play dates and sleep overs. You cannot monitor them night and day.

Needless to say I told my boy that I never wanted him to do anything like that again and said he was never to go on my computer unless I was with him always and that in the future all computers would be kept downstairs. I also told him he’d not be able to have an iPhone until he was at least 16...in fact I went way over the top.

At least that is what my husband said.

I doubt my boy will ever be as forthcoming again.

My only excuse was that I was shocked and scared and felt that I had failed as a mother, a responsible parent.

My boy he knew it was a naughty thing to do when he and his mate typed in the word in the first place otherwise they wouldn't have waited until they were on their own Problem is he doesn't quite get why yet, he doesn't understand about adult behaviour and why that sort of thing is really bad and it is not something I am going to discuss with him for a while yet.

What I have done is sort out parental computer control and upped my security so that inappropriate websites cannot be accessed from home. I cannot be everywhere I cannot stop it from happening eventually but at least in my home I have done everything I can.

Here's a site I found very helpful, I hope you do too

https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/parents/Primary/Tools/Parental-controls/