Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Being Middle Class: Acting like a fishwife

Today is a day NOT to mess with me....

If I were terribly, terribly, middle class and frightfully, frightfully proper I wouldn’t have done wot I did in the Tesco Car Park at lunchtime.
I think my father would have described me as acting like a fishwife. At least that would be the polite version.
Mea Culpa
I hold up my hands.
Guilty as charged
But  I did have an excuse.
Come on have you ever had to work from home AND get your kids to do holiday work?
It’s a recipe for disaster and there is a lot to be said for just giving up and giving in and letting them kick back in front of the TV all day eating crisps. It would be so much easier if I did and I’d get a heck of a lot more work done.
But I know better of course.
I get my kids to do their holiday work come hell or high water and it’s usually both.
They whine, I rumble.
They whine some more and muck about, I growl loudly
They stubbornly refuse to get on with it and I start to shout
They shout back and I explode and there are lots of tears.
After about two hours they settle down for five minutes to get on with it and are then distracted and start to whine all over again about how unfair it is that they have to do holiday work when surely none of their friends have to do any…at this point I go into melt down and basically everything all goes horribly wrong.
I storm out of the house leaving a rather shell shocked family behind. I jump in the car and slew my way down the gravel drive before hurtling into town and Tesco where I intend to pick up sandwiches for lunch and grab some cash – any excuse to get me out of the house so I won't actually carry out my threat of murdering my two boys.
So there I am wondering around the Tesco car park and I see a space; I drive into it then notice there is a space in front that I can drive into allowing me a quick forward getaway when I have finished my chore. But there are two, I’ll call them ladies, gossipping in the space. I nudge my car forward to get them to move so I can park.They stop talking and glare at me momentarily before carrying on.
I wait for them to move.
They don’t.
I rev the engine a little more in case they don't realise that I wish to park where they are standing. I expect them to raise their hands in apology and move away.
They don't instead older woman barks out: “What’s your problem.” Before turning her back on me to carry on talking to her friend.
Normally I would have got all embarrassed and apologised for trying to park and all that but today I have had enough.
Today I am NOT going to be polite.
Today no one had better get in my way.
I flip.
Today I am a real witch.
I rev the car more and hit the horn LONG and LOUD as I drive forward.
"What do you think you are playing at!!" she hollers at me.
"I am parking my car..."
"You could park anywhere!"
"But I don’t want to park anywhere," I say sweetly through gritted teeth."I wish to park here..."
"Well am talking to my friend and I can talk to my friend wherever I like!"
"Great next time try doing it in the middle of the motorway. In the meantime I am parking my car right where your standing - so shift…"
I am not sure if I would have driven right over them but I am glad that they thought I might have driven straight over them.
They even backed right off when I got out of the car still hurtling insults as they walked away.
I should have left it like that.
But as I said: NOT today.
I stalk after them with murder plainly written across my face.
"You want to take this further? Do you? Come on then…"
I honestly believe that I would have got into a full on scrap there and then in the middle of the Tesco car park – talk about anger transference!
They scarpered and I felt…
It was a total relief.
No shaking, no guilt, no shame.
Went into Tesco and was utterly charming to everyone.
Frightfully Middle Class….


Sparkless said...

They deserved it! I'm cheering you on.

Tattie Weasle said...

Sparkless - you're too kind, I have a feeling _ as my middle class guilt starts to kick in - that I was equally to blame! But oh, it felt good....

mrsnesbitt said...

Bloody wonderful! A true star!

Tattie Weasle said...

Mrsnesbitt - Thank you. I will be siging autographs.....:)

Wally Bell said...

Way to go Tattie.
My Son gets me in those moods too. I am surprised he is still with us and I am still a free man.

melissa said...

oh my god, I can completely see you doing that. Yay for you! I reckon after doing school shoe shopping with my children today I might have done the same had someone been standing in my path.

Rob-bear said...

Well, you certainly won that one. (And I don't suppose the boys had anything to do with that, did they?) Well, one takes one's victories where one can, I guess.

Blessings and Bear hugs!
Bears Noting
Life in the Urban Forest (poetry)

Expat mum said...

Ha ha ha ha. They're probably blogging right now about some half-wit posh bint who nearly ran them over in the Tesco car park....

Trish Burgess said...

Oh my, I didn't expect you to do that! Must have been very cathartic. Does this positive outcome mean you will do it again?

Mummy Daddy and Me makes Three said...

Hahaha Way to go! Loved this post. SO funny!

Iris said...


Suburbia said...

Ha! That makes me feel much better! Thanks ;-)

Anonymous said...

Love it! I had a shout at someone yesterday after witnessing irresponsible parenting in a carpark. (on the blog if you fancy a read.)

Good for you standing your ground.

CJ x

CAMILLA said...

Good for you Tattie, go girl go.! some people are soo ignorant, the parking space was there for you to use and they were obstructing it. Good for you Tattie to sticking to your guns, brilliant.!

Happy Wedding Anniversary for today dear Tattie, have left a card post for you in the common room on coo, hope you can pop over later.


Lou said...

Coo, I feel brilliant too. I'm livin' vicariously through you (coz I'm a wimp)

Have you seen the film Fried Green Tomatoes at The Whistle Stop Cafe?... there's a carbon copy of your blog post in it. Makes me whoop every time.

Rock on Tattie.

Marcheline said...

Reminds me of that scene from "Fried Green Tomatoes".... all that was missing was you screaming "TAWANDAAAAAAAAA!"

Go on you know you want to...


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