Saturday, 3 July 2010

Cybermummy: It's a nightmare and it's not even open yet!

We all look suitably wide eyed and worried at least the two or three women I've seen wandering slightly self consciously round the foyer. We've passed each other and coyly lifted our gaze as we pass, a tentative smile on our lips and a frantically beseeching look in our eye; Help! it says. But we're English and we pass by; it's too early yet. In fact there is an hour and a half to go!
I've sought solace in a high backed sofa on the opposite side of the entrance so I can spot in peace. They drift in in ones at present no gaggle yet laughing raucously and chatting too loud. Just the ones who no doubt have travelled half the length and breadth of the country to get here and land up being far too early. Oh the embarrassment...
Some come in full of confidence others slightly more nervously self consciously flicking their hair:
Her: Excuse me can you point me in the direction of the ladies?
Ah the haven of the ladies loos...
Here comes another one, more confident striding through the foyer definately knows where she is going and bouyed by the thought that if launch myself from the sofa I too can wing it and those on the otherside of the double doors will never know that I am not as confident as I seem; here goes...
8.45am: Bollocks crashed and burned. I return to the bonkette and want to curl up and die. OK it's not that serious but my tummy is doing flips and I so wanted to seem to know what the heck I was doing too.
8.47am; Have just finished a call with Dear Charlie and confessed my sins. I couldn't face a the tube on the way over so undulged in a taxi. The problem with having a husband who works in London and uses taxis is that he knows to the penny how much I spent.
Him: What £20 or £30 quid. No lunch for you then!
Bollocks I hate it when he does that makes me feel I complete spendthrift. Problem is I am. The cost fo the Taxi was nearly as much as the train journey on the way down...
8.50am; This is getting bad. Am now surrounded by Japanese tourists. Teenage Japanese tourists and am definitley going to be sick. Great wafts of manly aftershave and sherbert scented perfume envelop me.
8.52 am: Decide to go and blog to take my mind off things. Land up having to use computer with screen facing the door. Terrified people will see and feel ludicrously embarrassed again. Shit the computer freezes on me and my blog page is glowing for all to see. Die die die I want to die! I pluck up courage to ask the deliciosuly geeky boy next door to me to help he's gorgeously kind to a demented old bat and suggests I ask for help. Well I did and thought all young men knew about computers. Needless to say I spend time closing down the screen whenever people walk behind me so they cannot see. God this is difficult! Will people stop looking over my shoulder. Techno guy pops his head in and switches on the screen again for all to see. I want to spread myself across it to keep it from prying eyes. Oh thank heavens I am on and off so to speak...please dear god may the day get better...
Getting very loud in the foyer. Better gird my loins and off I go
Wish me luck!

11 comments:

diney said...

That was so funny - I'm living the day vicariously and look forward to hearing about it - you all sound so nervous but I'll bet the noise there will be intense!!!

notwavingbutironing said...

Oh Tattie, I'd have felt the same! Which is why I chickened out and didn't go. Hope you met some lovely people and had a fabulous time. x

Spencer Park said...

I hope that you have/have had the most wonderful time.

Posie Rosie said...

Oh I do hope the day went well for you, but that was a hysterical read Tattie, could sooo relate to all of your feelings of angst,
Posie

Gappy said...

Oh no, I was there and didn't get to meet you :-( Boo. Hope you had a good time though.

Lou said...

Oh cringe! I felt every inch of your trepidation in that post.

I'm a 'make for the loo' girl myself...

Very jealous that you were there and I was not. Too poor this year!

Expat mum said...

Well, I certainly had a lovely day with you. Great to meet you and next year we'll win that bloody quiz.

佳順佳順 said...

向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

Pam said...

"...the haven of the ladies loos". haha! know it well.The 'take 5 mins just to chill, non-judgemental atmosphere", where you can waste even more time with finding soap dispensers and figuring out how the air blower works..then it's obvious that you just HAVE to go out there.Been to a few wedding receptions, work, and theatre functions like that!Sure by now, you are having/had a good time though. Loved your post!

veryanniemary said...

Well Crap Ms. Tattie...I was there all the way from the US - I was there and I would love to have met you! Damn... We should have worn carnations or something.

Very Annie Mary said...

Just told Andy you thought I looked professional and the snorting he did was not very flattering! I guess what he means is don't judge a book by it's cover!

Go on you know you want to...

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