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| Today is a day NOT to mess with me.... |
If I were terribly,
terribly, middle class and frightfully, frightfully proper I wouldn’t have done
wot I did in the Tesco Car Park at lunchtime.
I think my father would
have described me as acting like a fishwife. At least that would be the polite
version.
Mea Culpa
I hold up my hands.
Guilty as charged
BUT
But I did have an excuse.
Honest.
Come on have you
ever had to work from home AND get your kids to do holiday work?
It’s a recipe for
disaster and there is a lot to be said for just giving up and giving in and
letting them kick back in front of the TV all day eating crisps. It would be so
much easier if I did and I’d get a heck of a lot more work done.
But I know better of
course.
I get my kids to do
their holiday work come hell or high water and it’s usually both.
They whine, I
rumble.
They whine some more and muck about, I growl loudly
They stubbornly
refuse to get on with it and I start to shout
They shout back and I explode and
there are lots of tears.
After about two hours they settle down for five
minutes to get on with it and are then distracted and start to whine all over again about
how unfair it is that they have to do holiday work when surely none of their
friends have to do any…at this point I go into melt down and basically everything all
goes horribly wrong.
I storm out of the
house leaving a rather shell shocked family behind. I jump in the car and slew
my way down the gravel drive before hurtling into town and Tesco where I intend
to pick up sandwiches for lunch and grab some cash – any excuse to get me out of the house so I won't actually carry out my threat of murdering my two boys.
So there I am
wondering around the Tesco car park and I see a space; I drive into it then
notice there is a space in front that I can drive into allowing me a quick
forward getaway when I have finished my chore. But there are two, I’ll call
them ladies, gossipping in the space. I nudge my car forward to get them to
move so I can park.They stop talking
and glare at me momentarily before carrying on.
I wait for them to move.
They
don’t.
I rev the engine a
little more in case they don't realise that I wish to park where they are standing. I expect them to raise their hands in apology and move away.
They don't instead older woman barks out:
“What’s your problem.” Before turning her back on me to carry on talking to her
friend.
Normally I would
have got all embarrassed and apologised for trying to park and all that but today
I have had enough.
Today I am NOT going
to be polite.
Today no one had
better get in my way.
I flip.
Today I am a real witch.
I rev the car more
and hit the horn LONG and LOUD as I drive forward.
"What do you think
you are playing at!!" she hollers at me.
"I am parking my car..."
"You could park
anywhere!"
"But I don’t want to
park anywhere," I say sweetly through gritted teeth."I wish to park here..."
"Well am talking to my friend and I can talk to
my friend wherever I like!"
"Great next time try
doing it in the middle of the motorway. In the meantime I am parking my car
right where your standing - so shift…"
I am not sure if I
would have driven right over them but I am glad that they thought I might have
driven straight over them.
They even backed
right off when I got out of the car still hurtling insults as they walked away.
I should have left
it like that.
But as I said: NOT
today.
I stalk after them
with murder plainly written across my face.
"You want to take
this further? Do you? Come on then…"
I honestly believe that
I would have got into a full on scrap there and then in the middle of the Tesco
car park – talk about anger transference!
They scarpered and I
felt…
Brilliant!
It was a total
relief.
No shaking, no guilt,
no shame.
Went into Tesco and
was utterly charming to everyone.
Frightfully Middle Class….
