You are all geared up for a fight, you want a fight. “Bring it on!” you say. You are prepared. You know exactly what to say and how to react, heck you’ve even got the clothes right for once and then…you get metaphorically blown out of the water not by their superior fighting, their clever one liners or cruel twist of logic but just by them being nice!
It is NOT meant to happen. The person you’ve geared yourself up to have a showdown with is not meant to be nice, not now, not today.
Heck for years you have been longing to give them a piece of your mind and finally, after months of building yourself up to it, they start being nice.
OOOhhhh! How I hate that word N.I.C.E.!
Innate politeness means you cannot possibly be nasty when they are being nice. It is NOT done. So you have to be nice back, really nice back - Super Nice indeed. You know, say it like you mean it sort of thing.
The frustration builds up inside and you keep smiling while muttering over and over to yourself, like Dory in Finding Nemo: “Just keep smiling! Just keep smiling!”
The opportunity for a confrontation, which you have been pushing for like forever, recedes as quickly as a rolling mist in the sun, leaving you twitchy, disappointed and cross with yourself.
And there’s also a lingering slightly unpleasant feeling that quite possibly the person you wanted to give a piece of your mind to has outmanouevered you as easily as an bird would a new born kitten.
All that time and effort gone to waste, nothing to show for it at all but perhaps there is? For the best way to confound your enemies and even your friends could be as simple as being nice.
17 comments:
ooh, the frustration and pent up anger, I feel for you really. but yes, i thin the best way to really pee them off, to show how little you care about what ever it is they're doing to try to make you mad, is be nice. Sweetly sickeningly nice. Mwaaahhh haaa haaa.
Heather - but it's soooo hard!
What I do is sit down, write a letter, say all that pent-up stuff in lurid detail, and then instead of putting it into an envelope and sending it (tempting... tempting...), I put it in the kitchen sink and set fire to it. It's very therapeutic writing that gutsy stuff, and then I make myself let go of it as I watch the flames lick the curling paper.
Iota - what a marvellous idea and very, very, satisfying and it appeals to my inner pyromaniac too!
Wow I'd love to know who was nice to you! Charm and disarm is always the best defence.
Or you could just write a rant on your blog - hit publish post - and wake up the next morning to read it and think 'wow - I don't really feel that strongly about it after all. Next!' I have diffused numerous potential arguments with my ex and my kids by just biting my lip and being nice. But I do think an outlet for anger is necessary too. Sometimes I sit in the car (on my own) open my mouth and just scream with frustration - I try to almost visualise the anger leaving my body as a big black sooty mass. It's not a healthy thing to withhold...better out than in, as mother would say. But sometimes venting the anger in a rage to the person you are feeling it towards can be really destructive too. And as you described on this post - it doesn't take much to diffuse anger. Kindness. Understanding. Not over-reacting. Funny how that can feel as if you have just had the rug pulled from under your feet tho!
Liz - Love it "charm and disarm". It is no wonder that the best ice queens, the one's with the best put downs etc really are quite, quite charming!
Nicola - I nkow it's destructive to go for it or bring it on as they say but for once I was up for it and ready to take the consequences but I suppose like all consequences they have a way of rippling outwards - so perhaps I saved from that today!
There's nothing more frustrating that not being able to "get it out there". I'm totally rubbish at keeping my feelings in and if anyone hacks me off, generally they know it (except my mother who has the skin of a double-skinned-rhinocerous. I'd catch him/her unawares and give it to them right between the eyes...
Ah Tattie, you're right. There are lots of ways to say it 'You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar' - whatever way you express it, I believe it's true. When I teach Boundaries and Self Care to volunteers I tell that my experience is that I can say the most difficult things and have people accept them if I say them gently and with a smile. If it works with big, tatooed bullies it will work with mums at the school gate!
Ah Tattie, you are right. Being nice does defuse an awful lot!
Also, I have a terrible tendency to burst into tears when people are unexpectedly nice. Most annoying!
muummmeee - you're my kinda gal!
Pondside - despite really really wanting to do what muummmeee says I KNOW you are right. It must be a sign that I am slowly growing up that I did hold my temper and I did smile and I was nice. As far as my antagonist is concerned they no nothng...unless of course they look here!!!!
Brit in Bosnia - not you too! I hate that when it happens frustration tears I call them very annoying, although can be useful when dealing with males...
Oh how I hate 'Nice' too! And I also have that horrid thing of bursting into angry tears and if anyone is then 'Nice' it makes it worse. "Twitchy, disappointed and cross" sums it up perfectly. You've left me wondering if you will get the chance to have your showdown.
Preseli Mags - d'you know I am seriously thinking that I'll never have that showdown or if I do it will come unexpected and I won't be ready!!!!
I write letters & then tear them up too. In the past I have posted them.....NOT A good idea. AT ALL. Ha s got me in lots of trouble.
Paradise Lost in Translation - Noooo!!!!!!!!!! yup I can imagine that culd be a dangerous route to take almost as bad as saying it to their faces - which I did with my MIL once...it was interesting!
My MIL does that to me... she seems to know JUST when I am at my tether, end of, and completely nonplusses me and FRUSTRATES me by being nice. Grrr. hope they are horrible soon so you can get your vent!! xx
Ladybird World Mother - as far as MIL's go they have perfected the art and one can really only stand back and admire.....smiling sweetly!
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